update on my positives list from july 08.....

so here is an update to my positives list created in july 08...

1. 2 Healthy, beautiful children who make me smile EVERY DAY!!!!! - even though we have had a run of the icky flu and now we all have the sniffles/colds...
2. A husband who I know loves me even when we are having hard times - yeah he still loves me and yeah we still have hard times but i feel like we are finally at a point where we might actually be working together to do some repairs....we'll see what the new year brings....
3. A roof over my head that we can afford to live in - still in the same place, love to dream about a bigger home with a nice yard for the kids, but this works just fine so here we are...
4. A job that pays the bills and allows us to have the things we need/want/like - we are still both employed even though both our markets are struggling, mine - construction & mike's - banking/mortgages....we are very lucky to have a paycheck and even though we BOTH get frustrated with the tasks at hand most days we are grateful for the paycheck....
5. Great friends that are there when I need them - my friends are wonderful and i am very thankful i found such a wonderful bunch...
6. Family that will help out in times of trouble or just because - our families are still here willing to help whenever we ask, which is a blessing in itself as it gives mike and i a chance to spend some time together, which we desperately need, without the added expense of a babysitter.....
7. Living in an area that has many fun and different things for me to do with my children, beach, parks, library, playgrounds, movies - no need to travel to do things like when I was growing up - okay so this really is a good thing, i just wish i would spend more time doing the fun things that are in our area, especially with the kids...more beach, park, playground time in 2009....
8. My People magazine subscription - even though I don't get to read it right away like I used to pre 2 kids, I know it is always going to be in my mailbox on Sat or at the latest Mon for when I can get to it - yeah yeah yeah, i'm backed up with people magazines, shoot me - i have like 4 on my nightstand and i'll get to them i promise once we get past our disney trip this weekend...i'll put them in my gym bag for my thurs workouts...
9. Big Brother 10 - it is just fun to just watch as other people make complete asses of themselves for my enjoyment - BB10 is over so it brings me no further joy....survivor was okay and a new one starts in january but they really havent been that great lately....
10. The fact that my husband keeps up with the pictures of my kids and their milestones - more updates to family and friends is the goal for 09 - i am on facebook and hope to get my calendars from shutterfly done for the grandparents the first week of january....
11. Even though I am not at my weight goal yet and I have gotten off track a few times so far this year, I still haven't gone all the way back to my bad habits and ways and "wasted" the work/accomplishments I have achieved this year with my weight. I'm still down almost 18 pounds since Jan and I know if I just persevere and stay on track, I can do this - i'm down 27 lbs since january 08 and continue to shrink now that i am part of a biggest losers club....we have 6 weeks left in the current challenge and if i keep it up, i might win the first pot of $ - over $200 bucks...getting on a schedule for my walks with Brooke and the gym in the new year will help get the job done....
12. I have a very comfortable bed - even my kids sleep well in it when I let them - not in the middle of the night!!! - yup my butter bed is still as comfy as ever...
13. Mike has been helping alot more lately with the kidsy chores and that has been very nice - splitting tub duty and bedtime rituals and getting ready in the am process make life so much easier for me...
14. Getting back to church in order to schedule Emma's christening has given me a better sense of "belonging", not really sure what it means, but I enjoy going to services and I no longer feel like it is a chore or burden on my Sundays - mike and i have made a "committment" to start attending church at least every other week starting in january...there is no reason why i can't get there.....it's important to me and i need to make the time...
15. our new coffee maker - i love the new keurig machine i bought mike for christmas....it is perfect for our needs and i'm so glad i talked myself into getting it...

my list didnt grow too much but i'm still very happy with all the things on my original list..

I'm still guessing no matter how hard things seem sometimes, it does make you feel better to look at all the good in your life and know that things can only get better with time....

another day another post....

so 2008 is about to end....
emma is sooo busy being a 1 year old with nick sooo busy being a 4 year old....i can not believe how quickly this year flew by....
i feel like i have personally grown this year in many ways...i'm down 27 pounds since january 1st and still working hard at it with my biggest loser group....i'm working on being a better wife and mother with patience and listening to my husband and kids....i'm getting more movement into my day/week by walking with Brooke and/or heading to the gym when i have the time....
there is always a precious need for balance in all that we do on a daily basis, but i think i'm doing okay with it....
i'm looking forward to more changes in 2009 - continue to get the weight off, continue to move my ass and get in shape, continue to spend time with my friends and family, continue to work on being a better wife and mother....i think the best resolutions are ones that can carry forward from year to year and aren't "completed" in a 1 year period - working on things for a lifetime makes them more likely to "stick"
Happy New Year

keeping up...

okay why is it sooo hard to keep up my blog?? seriously, i can log in for like 5 minutes a day to chit chat about what is going on in our lives, discuss the shows i am watching, talk about the weather??? just random BS that would help me keep a daily "log" if you will of what is current in my life...okay so one resolution for 09 besides the standard eat right, exercise more stuff is to log onto my blogs once a day and type out a post...i am also going to do a 365 days of photos blog like my friend melissa...i will do my best to keep that updated at least once a week of random things i take pics of, i may do the kids or fun things i see in the world around me...it should be a fun project and i want to make the commitment to keep it up....sooooo keep me honest, question me when you dont see new posts and hassle me even if the need arises.....

child safety...

learned a very important lesson today...
does not matter how smart you think your kids are or how well you think you know what they will or will not do, they will surprise you and not always in the best ways....i will be buying 2 locked boxes to store medicine in because my very smart 4 year old son decided to drink between 1-2 oz of children's motrin this morning....luckily he came to mike and told him right after he did it and there were no side effects based on what poison control told me to look for, but seriously, i never in a million years imagined that he would do that!!!!!!!!!
so now to be safe, i'm going to buy the boxes and all medicine will go in them and we will have to take an extra 10 seconds to unlock a box before giving motrin or tylenol or even get something for ourselves...it is just too big a risk to take.....

Nick's eating update...

so starting this past monday we have been making one dinner for our family: mommy, daddy, nick and emma - pork chops, chix and another chix....emma has eaten every meal, as has daddy and mommy...first night, nick at the corn on the cob, second night nick ate one bite of corn and licked the cranberry sauce, last night - nothing...not a bite off his plate....tonight luckily for him, (i'm giving him thurs to have chix nuggets) he goes to grammie and grampa's house and they get him chix nuggets from wendy's on the way....emma will have spaghetti with them, which i'm sure she will gladly eat....
the pediatrician at nick's 4 year check told him he had to eat as many bites as he is old...so i'm giving him 4 bites of each thing on his plate...and if he chooses not to eat then he is done for the night, no snacks, no milk, nothing other than water....i figure after 2 weeks the boy will realize i'm not kidding around anymore and just try some stuff that i know he will like......patience and determination are what i have to keep telling myself....sticking with it this time, no more cereal for dinner every night, i'm over it......

PS like i mentioned above, emma is eating everything, off baby food, drinking out of a cup at meals and loving every bit of the whole milk we give her....man that girl can eat....she's in the 25th percentile for weight, let's hope she keeps it that way and stays petite.....

First Day Blues!!!!!

so my big big girl moved to the Starfish class on her 1st birthday....she was fine while i was sitting on the floor next to her but man, the second i even made a move to get up to go, she busted out crying....my dear husband the family paparazzi, snapped this lovely shot to record the memory of my sweet girl on her first day in her new class....i left her shortly after this and she looked pretty much the same....thankfully over the next 2-3 days it got much better and she is now finishing her 2nd week in there and doing fine, she fusses when i leave in the morning still a bit but nothing like the first few days.....and her activity in the room throughout the day is crazy, she is all over the place finding stuff to do.....what a big big girl she is....

kid's birthdays...

another year has past...
nick is 4 and emma has turned 1...
holy moly does time fly....

Eating....

okay so i have one child that is almost 4 and one child that is almost 1....seriously, the 1 year old eats a better variety of food than the 4 year old...we need to pick a day, set a goal and stick to it....Nick will eat what we offer him or he won't eat at all....it is time.....
emma has tried more new foods and actually eaten them in the last month than nick has in the last year.....it is soooo frustrating.....poor girl is having to do all that her brother wouldn't but she will be a better eater because of it....if we don't get it started before nick's 4th bday i would have to say that we will have to do it by his 4 year check with the pediatrician...i think i'm going to have her scare the crap out of him, insist that he has to try new foods....is that a cop out????? regardless, it has to happen....he eats and is healthy but will not try new things, sticks to just the staple foods he has agreed to eat and i'm tired of it, mike is tired of it and i'm sure nick is tired of the same shit every other day.....
OKAY - GOAL
on or before his 4 year check with dr. carillo we will switch to only offering nick the meal that is being cooked - no special meals, no cereal for dinner, no wendy's chix nugget runs except for special treats like thursdays when he goes to grammies house....this is it.....

Emma eating chix tender and celery :)

Mommy's girl....

Yeah, so what? She's mommy's girl....and I love it.....she is the sweetest baby I know and I am very grateful to have her in my life....

Messes and getting organized....

okay so mike took this picture of the playroom mid party when everyone was here for emma's baptism gathering......i sent everyone home without having anyone have their kids help clean up....as i sat down amongst all the mess and trust me it was 3 times worse than the pic when it was all said and done...anyway, my point is, am i crazy to want to put everything away myself? am i foolish for not letting the parents have their kids help clean up their mess? or is it really okay that I wanted to do the sorting and putting away so that i only had to do it one time...i have places for all the toys; bins with labels, i put common things together.....so does that make me crazy that i do this????
i think not...i think it is smart to keep order in a playroom as best you can...okay i've answered my own question...no i'm not crazy, i just like things a certain way, nothing wrong with that....

She's getting there.....

June 28th...and so it starts...she gets up on her knees but doesn't go anywhere but to reach out in front of her...

July 1st...she is officially on the move...crawling....

July 1st...there she goes down the hall after her brother around the corner

July 13th...pulling up on the step

July 13th...standing on her head with feet planted firmly.....

July 23rd...pulling up on the gate when i left her in the hallway to check my email...imagine my surprise when i came back around the corner and this is what i saw....

July 23rd...already trying to climb the gate and she isn't even walking yet....
GOD HELP ME :)

Old Times....

i've been looking thru old pictures and came across these from our honeymoon in St. Augustine (Nov 2003)...it truly seems like a lifetime ago
it's funny - as i look thru the pics, i notice that i looked really happy....thinking back i remember that i really was happy and dare i say carefree and it showed....
I wish life were always as simple as it is in the beginning.....
not to say that i am not happy now, i'm just remembering a simpler time....hope that makes sense....

Sleeping like a kid...

Don't you wish it were just this simple????

You're tired and you put your head down and take a nap...
Doesn't matter that you are sitting upright in a carseat
Doesn't matter that you have a plastic clip/buckle under your chin
Man I wish it were just that simple for grownups.....

Positives....

When I was struggling a while back a friend suggested that although it is not always easy, find positives in my life.....so here I go.....

1. 2 Healthy, beautiful children who make me smile EVERY DAY!!!!!
2. A husband who I know loves me even when we are having hard times
3. A roof over my head that we can afford to live in
4. A job that pays the bills and allows us to have the things we need/want/like
5. Great friends that are there when I need them
6. Family that will help out in times of trouble or just because
7. Living in an area that has many fun and different things for me to do with my children, beach, parks, library, playgrounds, movies - no need to travel to do things like when I was growing up
8. My People magazine subscription - even though I don't get to read it right away like I used to pre 2 kids, I know it is always going to be in my mailbox on Sat or at the latest Mon for when I can get to it
9. Big Brother 10 - it is just fun to just watch as other people make complete asses of themselves for my enjoyment
10. The fact that my husband keeps up with the pictures of my kids and their milestones
11. Even though I am not at my weight goal yet and I have gotten off track a few times so far this year, I still haven't gone all the way back to my bad habits and ways and "wasted" the work/accomplishments I have achieved this year with my weight. I'm still down almost 18 pounds since Jan and I know if I just persevere and stay on track, I can do this
12. I have a very comfortable bed - even my kids sleep well in it when I let them - not in the middle of the night!!!
13. Mike has been helping alot more lately with the kidsy chores and that has been very nice
14. Getting back to church in order to schedule Emma's christening has given me a better sense of "belonging", not really sure what it means, but I enjoy going to services and I no longer feel like it is a chore or burden on my Sundays

this list will continue to grow, but for now it really is quite "complete" - so I guess no matter how hard things seem sometimes, it does make you feel better to look at all the good in your life and know that things can only get better with time....

delinquent posting....

yeah yeah yeah, i'm guilty....i haven't kept up this blog or my food/activity blog for a few weeks....
i swear i wonder every day where does the time go????
i've been pretty busy at work lately hoping i can get caught up a bit so i don't feel so behind everyday....busy planning parties for emma's baptism, nick's birthday, emma's birthday, spa/body shop party....lots and lots going on every week i swear i don't know when life will slow down.....
stupid bone head move this past weekend - of course on the computer late, just wanted to do ONE more thing.....trying to delete 1 picture associated with 1 contact and i ended up deleting my entire address book in my palm program - no big deal right???? just sync with your phone right??? okay smartass so why when i did the sync did it make the 0 contacts in my palm program now 0 contacts in my phone????????
stupid thing wiped out all my contacts from my phone and my palm program and then i freaked out and instead of hitting UNDO last i closed the program and when i reopened it that option was now gone!!!!!!!!!
so needless to say, now i have spent a bit of time trying to remember all that was in my phone and then i will have to add it all back into my palm program to sync with my phone...YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH how much fun is that.....

Nick does love his baby sister....

I took the kids to the playground and the park after school on monday.....i put emma on my sling (left my "car" blanket in the garage) while nick and i kicked the ball back and forth and chased each other around...she sat there happy as can be watching us play...wanting to be in the mix of it of course....snapped this picture when we took a break for mommy to take pictures of her wonderful kiddos...seriously, he just loves her - hope it stays that way...

Emma's First Shoes

So my girl has her first pair of shoes....it was weird going into Striderite and not buying sneakers like i have soooo many times before for Nick

She's Crawling...

man on man we are in trouble now...emma started crawling on saturday...she would scootch around before - if i put her on the floor she never stayed in the same place but didn't actually crawl to get around....now she is crawling - on all fours....put her down, put something in front of her she just might want, and boom - she is off....it is very funny to watch....better keep an eye out for my stuff that might be too low, i imagine she'll be getting into nick's stuff soon enough....

Trying times...

why do we have to go through so many trying times in life in order to enjoy the good stuff?
why does it seem like there are so many more hard times than easy ones?

honestly i feel like some people, in particular me, are just tested too much, beyond what they should be expected to handle....sometimes i just feel like i can not catch a break....i want to be happy and enjoy my life, my kids, my marriage, my friends, my job, my family, but sometimes it seems like there is just too much struggle in the way....it seems like when one thing gets settled and back on even keel, another cart tips over and you have a million more pieces to pick back up before you can get back on level ground again....kids, family, work will be good but then marriage is not...then marriage seems good and the kids and work are causing you grief....or work and kids and friends are good but then marriage sucks....sometimes i just feel like i can not get my head above water and i just don't know what else to do but just float along and take care of what i can and let the other stuff sink.....but then the other stuff could be gone forever at the bottom of a very deep ocean.....lots of pondering today, really want to get out of the rut that i am in and hope that my appt tonight will help, maybe working on myself and learning to accept things i can not change will make me better and help rectify my damaged relationship....just when you think you are better you are tested!!!!!!!!!!!! over and over again - seriously stupid vicious cycle....

Feeling good....

okay so i have been back on track for almost 2 weeks now with my eating being in control....last week i had a good loss and by my scale at home so far this week it looks like i'm on the way to another good loss this week too....soooo, i know i can do this...i have not been exercising, too many other things are getting in the way - my sister and i talked today and were like "really, seriously we can not carve 1 hour out of the 24 in a day to spend on ourselves??" that is just pathetic....sooo with that being said, i am going to commit to getting up early 3 days a week after going to bed at 10pm or earlier and hitting the gym....i can get there and be back home by the time the kids get up or very close there after and there is no reason why mike can't be with them for a bit while i get my thing done....i know the exercise will just advance my weight loss that much quicker and easier...

okay so - 3 days a week to bed by 10 and up the next day by 5 to get to the gym by 530 - i can do this - i must do this...

Nick, the greatest big brother...

no matter what is going on in my son's life with school or behavior or whatever, at this point right now in his life, i know he is a great big brother - he loves his sister and does his damnedest to show it every day....
proof positive below :)

lounging in the backyard - February 23rd

loving at "jackie's" house - May 10th

Palm Beach Zoo - May 26th

playground for father's day - June 15th

mother's day and father's day...

This year i think we did some pretty fun things with the kids on mother's and father's day......

For mother's day we went to lake worth beach in the evening with the kids and i think i would like to make this a tradition on my special day each year....



For father's day we went to the playground in palm beach gardens by my in laws house....



































both days were very fun family days and i look forward to many more of these in the future...things on both mother's and father's day with the kids...

Time management - men versus women!!!

it's funny how people see time differently, well i guess i should just be honest and say men and women

my husband and i continue to have a serious bone of contention between us when it comes to the use of time....he accuses me of thinking things take just mere minutes to complete when in his opinion they actually could take hours while i on the other hand get annoyed by his negative view of how long things can take to get done....we constantly differ on this idea...
i think if you just do something and get it done it can be done quickly where as in MY opinion he takes his time, takes breaks and comes back to finish stuff more leisurely.....

case in point...he has been working on our office upstairs - doing a great job, stripping 20 year old wallpaper, patching and priming the walls, scrapping popcorn off and adding a nice texturized affect to the ceiling.....all very laborous and time consuming work, so i offered while he is away doing his training in Chicago to paint the walls the selected color and he could do the ceiling cutting in up on the ladder when he returns.....

last night i started at 9pm after working all day, dinner, tubs and 2 kids to bed....i was cleaning up by 1005pm and had close to 2/3-3/4 of the walls painted the first coat - SERIOUSLY - 1 hour later, i had accomplished so much - just like i knew i could, just like i always do!!!!! oh and to top it off, i had to interupt my groove to move a 16 foot ladder downstairs to the garage that was parked in the room i was trying to paint - and put a 6 foot ladder under my bed so i could work in the room more easily....

it peeves me and please don't get me wrong, i love mike and appreciate all his hard work and all that he does around the house, but things DO NOT take as long as he thinks they do because soooo many times he drags his ass and doesn't just DO IT!!!!

tonight the plan is as follows, after working all day, dinner, tub and 2 kids to bed - move the computer table and filing cabinet out into the room and finish the first coat on the only part i didn't get to last night - move onto the 2nd coat on the other walls and maybe by the time i'm done the first coat will be dry on the little section i am starting on and i can get that done with the 2nd coat...

then thurs night after jenny craig and nail appt and getting the kids to bed, i'll do the bottom above the baseboard and tape off the carpet to do the baseboards on friday....i should in all actuality be able to paint the entire room less the top edge near the ceiling before he returns on monday so that all he has to do is finish the top and touch up over the 2 spots i put blue on the ceiling....and i know he will appreciate my hard work like i appreciate his....

okay so the point to my rant is that it does just take 20 minutes to do most things :) This is what my husband says i think and he is right, if you just put your mind to it, it can get done in close to 20 minutes....

back on track...

with mike away i'm going to try to catch up on some of my stuff and get back on track....
goals
1. pics of kids off cameras into computer and burned on dvds for safe keeping
2. edit, upload a few to share and print
3. paint the office the nice icey blue we chose
4. eat right, exercise at least 3 days - loss at JC on thurs please
5. blog at least 3 times a week, especially when i have the pics in the computer...
okay so those are my goals....
oh and about nick and starving and keeping the light off at bedtime...i have the 2nd one taken care of, i started last thurs night with the light switched off and told him the bulb was dead and i needed to go to the store to get another one...it's been 4 nights and we haven't had an issue...now i just need to hold out on using that light for a bit and i think we are in the clear.....

the ups and downs of motherhood....

i know i have said it before and i'll probably say it again, but being a mother is sooooo hard...one minute everything is just fine and then you have 1 sick kid and another one causing troubles at school....

emma has the yuckies again with goopy eyes and yucky nose and a very rattly cough that is a little bit in her chest but as of right now no ear infection....let's hope it clear up on its own this time and we can avoid giving her the antiobiotic....
nick was doing great at school - less hitting/pushing/etc and much better behavior at home - listening and following directions....now yesterday he pushed another child into part of the playground structure and the little boy had to have a tooth pulled because it went up into his gums and may have to have another one pulled too if it doesn't go back to normal on its own - luckily they are baby teeth, but seriously....i don't want my kid hurting another child, even by accident....i think it is time to have him evaluated to see what is up, if he is ADD or ADHD or whatever other letter combo might fit him...i don't want to medicate but if i can gain insight into what he is doing and why than that has to be helpful, right??????

i don't know what else to do at this point.....get help and figure it out from there i guess....

Water Boy....

Even from the start my kid was a water baby...give the boy a hose and he is good forever....

It is time....

i have made the ever great step of making an appt to see a family therapist to work on my communication skills particularly with my husband....i have to say that making this appt was the single hardest thing i have ever had to do in regards to my married life.....i truly want to gain insight into the "proper" way to communicate with my husband.....i love mike and want to spend the rest of my life with him and it hurts me very much that we don't talk to each other successfully......it is my greatest struggle, amazingly since mike and i met talking over the computer and on the phone for over a month before we actually met in person....but i guess things change with the added stresses of work, kids, money, life in general and cracks begin to form that will either break us apart or be repaired by this help i am seeking.....

the love and respect that i felt for mike on this day is where i want to be right now and for the future.....

Disney Trip w/the Martinez kids and Jenni

Jenni has been bitching at me since we started going to Disney with Nick in 2006 how she wanted to go with us, so we finally did it this month. Mike and I took our kids up to Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom while Jenni was on spring break in Kissemme at a time share with her 4 kids...Here is a picture of the kids outside the Dinosaur ride Nick had to go on but ended up hiding his face in my body the entire ride, missing the big finally when the TREX jumps out at us....

needless to say I ended up buying him a "treat" because I was so afraid I traumatized the boy by letting him go on this freakin scary ride....

summer plans...

We are stuck between a rock and a hard place in regards to our summer vacation this year. We have gotten into the "habit" of going home to Maine every summer/fall since Mike and I have been together and now that we have kids it is expected that of course we will continue to come. I am seriously thinking about not going this summer. I really want to see my dad's family in Boothbay but do I really want to make an 1800 mile trip to the same town I have been visiting for the last 7 year? Isn't it time for something different? Is it fair for everyone to expect me to come to them and not get a chance to see other places with my husband and kids?

Now this summer is a bit different in that my mom's family will be holding a memorial service for my aunt that just passed away this spring and of course I would like to attend and show my support but I did do all the family/celebrating her life stuff here in Florida when she passed. So do I really need to go home for this too? Part of me says yes and the other part is like no way man, I did my part already. I am so torn....plus if we don't go for that then we won't go to see my dad and family like we always have in the past.

I'm sure they will all be pissed but it is really going to be a huge expense. 4 plane tickets, a car rental and this year we would rather stay on our own than bunk at my dad's so that is going to cost us too....They don't understand that we need our space - they just know that they want us to come and offer us whatever we need in regards to cars, sleeping areas, etc....

It's just not that simple.... FOR THE PLANE ALONE - 2 car seats, double stroller, diaper bag/backpack w/supplies, toys, movies, portable DVD player - plus juggling an active very independent almost 4 yr old and a very excitable 9 month old.....

I just don't know what to do - Mike and I have talked about taking a vacation a bit closer to home so we could drive and then just rent a cabin or beach house - be leisurely, do new things, see new places.....

WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO???

Even crabby faced i can't help but love him...

Crabby Christmas morning about something - who
the hell knows what....

Crabby making Easter eggs on Easter Sunday - getting tired
of the paparazzi constantly snapping his picture i think

Making the same crabby face at Omi and Opa's - Got caught
doing something he wasn't supposed to - I think?????

sweetest things....

nick has been waking up in the middle of the night crying out for me/us again...when i go to comfort him i usually take him to go pee since he is potty trained but wears a pullup at night...besides having "bad" dreams i also thinks he wakes up because he has to go pee....
well i was just finishing up on the computer when i heard him start to stir - having a dream or something - said something like help me i think but he wasn't crying so i left him alone - when i got off the computer i decided to take him to the bathroom before going to bed just to see if maybe by me getting him to empty his bladder he might sleep the rest of the night - wishful thinking i know....
anyway, i just took him to pee and he did while still pretty much sleeping - i carried him back to his bed and laid him up on his pillow, covered him with his sheet and blanket, gave him his 2 star bears and a kiss and started to walk out of the room - i was like YES i did it - potty and back to bed without conversation maybe i can go to sleep now until my alarm goes off....as i'm walking out of the room he says in his little sleepy voice, "mommy?" and i was like ohhhhhhhh shit now what, i just want to go to bed....i said, "what honey?" and he said, "i love you" - i know, ohhhhhhhhh, he really is a very sweet boy...anyway that's my story...

Words....amazing how much meaning they have...

Man doesn't it suck when you are just trying to simplify life and clean stuff up and you come across something that just takes you by surprise???

“YOU GO GIRL ................I LOVE YOUR SPUNK GOOD LUCK WISH I HAD DONE IT LONG AGO YOU HAVE THE CHANCE STILL TIME I LOVE YOU CALL ON YOUR NIGHT OUT IF MOM IS BUSY AND WE ARE FREE WE CAN COME AND WATCH THE KIDS..AS DR. PHIL SAYS THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR KIDS IS TO TAKE CARE OF THE PARENTS LOVE JOANN”

this was my auntie jo’s response to my 2008 resolutions/goals that I sent out to everyone…..just goes to show even when you lose someone they are always there somehow…her words gave me more encouragement to continue on this path to make a change in my life for my health and for my kids.....

i swear i have gorgeous kids....i really do...

They really are gorgeous...I marvel at the wonder of my kids every time I see them....How lucky are we that Mike and I have such happy, healthy, well rounded kids.....This is the greatest thing I have ever done in my life and I honestly don't expect anything greater....

Him and Her - Mike and Denise

What's his name? Mike.

How long have you been together? Met April 2000, Married Nov 1, 2003 - Can't believe it has been almost 8 years now.

How long did you date before moving in together? Ummm like a day.

How old is he? 39 (the big 40 this summer).

Who eats more? I think him in one sitting, but I eat more spread out over the course of the day.

Who said I love you first? I don't remember but I think I did.

Who is taller? him, by about 8-9 inches

Who is smarter? Both - him about history and boring crap like that and me about money and other lifey stuff.

Who does laundry? We both do our part - he brings down, sorts, washes, dries and brings back up - I fold and put away

Who does the dishes? We both do our share of loading and unloading the dishwasher - I'm sure he would say he does it more but I think it is pretty even

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? If you are looking at the bed from the footboard - I'm on the Left and Mike is on the Right - even when we go away.

Who pays the bills? MEEEEEE

Who mows the lawn? The lawn service for our development

Who cooks dinner? I started off cooking more then when I went on Jenny Craig, Mike took over for himself and now I think we are at about 50/50 with me making Mr. Foods dinners and Mike grilling for us.

Who drives when you are together? Mike usually drive, I don't even offer anymore really - except this past weekend when we were coming home from Orlando - I can't remember the last time I drove all of us.

Who is more stubborn? I think it is a split. We each have our moments of not giving in.

Who kissed who first? I think we both just went in for the kiss while walking along Flagler Drive on our first date after I took his hand in the car on the way from the restaurant.

Who asked out who first? I don't know...I think we just made the decision to have our first date after talking on the phone for over a month.

Who proposed? We talked a lot about marriage and already owned a home when in April 2003 we decided to get married. He actually gave me my ring and "proposed" on one knee in gardens at the Mai Kai in Fort Lauderdale in August 2003.

Who has more siblings Me: 2 half brothers, 1 stepsister, 1 stepbrother - him: 1 brother

Who wears the pants in the family? We share although I'm sure he would say I'm more controlling. We make big decisions together.

I love.........

i love the smell of: crispy fresh fall air
i love the sound of: trickling water
i love the taste of: warm apple crisp ala mode
i love the sight of: my children's smiling faces
i love the feel of: fleece stuffed animals

Insight into ME

I found this on a friend's blog - Thanks Melissa....
Insight into ME

A=Available...not since april 2000 - married since nov 2003.
B=Best Friend...many great best friends and a really great sister i think of more as a friend.
C= Cake or pie...toss up - i like both but not a huge sweets/dessert fan so i could pass on both.
D= Drink of choice...diet coke with lemon.
E= Essential item you use everyday...my new centro palm phone/pda - love it.
F= Favorite color...i like blue and green, look good in pink and red so i like those too.
G= girlie girls...i'm not really a girlie girl - i don't do makeup and just started blowing my hair dry every morning in a super long time - maybe when Emma gets older i'll get a bit more girlie.
H= Hometown...Ellsworth, ME.
I= Indulgences...big DIET COKE (CARBONATED BEVERAGE) .
J= January or February...either or no preference.
K= Kids and Names..Nicholas Michael and Emma Grace.
L= Life is incomplete without...my children.
M= Marriage date...November 1, 2003.
N=Number of siblings...officially none :) but i have 2 half brothers, 1 step sister, 1 step brother and i had an exchange student sister when i was in high school and we are still close and consider each other sisters.
O= Oranges or apples...fuji apples usually, but recently i have been loving clementines (my sister turned me onto them-addictive really).
P= Phobias or Fears...honestly don't think i really have any - i don't care for the DARK DARK.
Q= Favorite Quote... "live well, laugh often, love much".
R= Reason to smile...My kids' laughter - great joke.
S= Season...Fall without a doubt - the biggest thing i miss from the north.
T= Truth or dare...i think i would choose truth - really don't have much to hide.
U= Unknown fact about me...i was a virgin until i met my husband.
V= Vegetable you don’t like...brussel spouts...don't think i have ever eaten them but i don't want to.
W= Worst habit...picking my hang nails but now i have my acrylics back on it isn't a problem anymore.
X= X-rays...this week or ever? not this week but definitely in my past - lots of sprained ankles growing up.
Y= Your favorite food...pizza.
Z= Zodiac Sign...Libra (October 13th)

day #2 of better eating...

man this is getting tiring - starting over on good eating...
why can't this be just something that i do anyway? why does it have to be such a friggin struggle?????
yesterday was good, no extra snacking, no bad choices, stayed on plan with my food....today has started off well and my plan is to continue on track again....
i guess i have to get to the point where eating "right" isn't a choice but more of just what i do....talking to Kim at JC last week was kinda enlightening, i have never just eaten to be right where i am - i have never been at a goal where i could start maintaining my weight - that is laughable because i have always eaten to lose or just eaten because i didnt care where i was or actually because i was just being where i was (not happily - more defeated really)

being a better person by making good choices with what i put in my mouth will honestly be a struggle i think i will have to make for the rest of my life - even when i get to my goal (and i am saying WHEN, even though i often feel IF!!)

i will still have to continue to be on guard with everything - won't I??? will it eventually just get to the point where i just know what to eat and what not to eat to keep me where i want to be????? i suppose that is the ultimate goal - knowing and doing are TWO very different things....i know i need to do this - so i guess i'll just DO IT!!!!

end of another month in 2008...

seriously where does the time go??? it is already the end of March 2008....emma is 6 1/2 months old and nick is 3 1/2....what the heck?????how did this happen????doesn't it seem like the time goes by more quickly when we get older????i think it does - or at least it seems that way....just makes me realize i need to enjoy every moment i have with my friends, my family, my kids and my husband...

jenny craig 2008

starting over....going to do well....

jan 2, 2008 - day # 2 of my new year...

so day number 2 under my belt...i ate well, spaced my meals/snacks out throughout the day and walked on the treadmill for 16 minutes....feel good - made an appt with kim at jenny craig for tomorrow night to get my schedule and menu figured out...
i'm on my way...

starting over....2008

okay so it's a new year - i want to make better choices this year

2008 resolutions.....
1. lose weight/get in better shape - eat better by following jenny craig and more balanced/portion controlled meals, exercise and positive thinking (goal of 53.8lbs gone by dec 31, 08)
2. have more patience with nick and mike - talk more - yell less - less angry mom/wife voice
3. spend more time with my extended family - plan monthly get togethers (meal, games, just chatting and catching up)
4. do family outings with the kids at least twice a month - new and old things - lion country, palm beach zoo, children's museum, miami aquarium, metro zoo, movies, playground, etc....
5. monthly night out with my husband - dinner or a movie or a museum or a play or a comedy show or walk on the beach with picnic or drive up A1A - no kids - no talk of kids - just mike and I
6. get my house in order so i can get a cleaning person to come on a regular basis
7. get nick to at least try something other than chix nuggets, pizza, cereal and pb and fluff sandwiches for lunch and dinner

think that about covers it - i think all my "resolutions" are completely doable....let's get this new year going - i'm ready