Wednesday, April 30, 2008
i have made the ever great step of making an appt to see a family therapist to work on my communication skills particularly with my husband....i have to say that making this appt was the single hardest thing i have ever had to do in regards to my married life.....i truly want to gain insight into the "proper" way to communicate with my husband.....i love mike and want to spend the rest of my life with him and it hurts me very much that we don't talk to each other successfully......it is my greatest struggle, amazingly since mike and i met talking over the computer and on the phone for over a month before we actually met in person....but i guess things change with the added stresses of work, kids, money, life in general and cracks begin to form that will either break us apart or be repaired by this help i am seeking.....
the love and respect that i felt for mike on this day is where i want to be right now and for the future.....
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Jenni has been bitching at me since we started going to Disney with Nick in 2006 how she wanted to go with us, so we finally did it this month. Mike and I took our kids up to Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom while Jenni was on spring break in Kissemme at a time share with her 4 kids...Here is a picture of the kids outside the Dinosaur ride Nick had to go on but ended up hiding his face in my body the entire ride, missing the big finally when the TREX jumps out at us....
needless to say I ended up buying him a "treat" because I was so afraid I traumatized the boy by letting him go on this freakin scary ride....
Monday, April 21, 2008
We are stuck between a rock and a hard place in regards to our summer vacation this year. We have gotten into the "habit" of going home to Maine every summer/fall since Mike and I have been together and now that we have kids it is expected that of course we will continue to come. I am seriously thinking about not going this summer. I really want to see my dad's family in Boothbay but do I really want to make an 1800 mile trip to the same town I have been visiting for the last 7 year? Isn't it time for something different? Is it fair for everyone to expect me to come to them and not get a chance to see other places with my husband and kids?
Now this summer is a bit different in that my mom's family will be holding a memorial service for my aunt that just passed away this spring and of course I would like to attend and show my support but I did do all the family/celebrating her life stuff here in Florida when she passed. So do I really need to go home for this too? Part of me says yes and the other part is like no way man, I did my part already. I am so torn....plus if we don't go for that then we won't go to see my dad and family like we always have in the past.
I'm sure they will all be pissed but it is really going to be a huge expense. 4 plane tickets, a car rental and this year we would rather stay on our own than bunk at my dad's so that is going to cost us too....They don't understand that we need our space - they just know that they want us to come and offer us whatever we need in regards to cars, sleeping areas, etc....
It's just not that simple.... FOR THE PLANE ALONE - 2 car seats, double stroller, diaper bag/backpack w/supplies, toys, movies, portable DVD player - plus juggling an active very independent almost 4 yr old and a very excitable 9 month old.....
I just don't know what to do - Mike and I have talked about taking a vacation a bit closer to home so we could drive and then just rent a cabin or beach house - be leisurely, do new things, see new places.....
WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO???
Thursday, April 17, 2008
the hell knows what....
of the paparazzi constantly snapping his picture i think
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
nick has been waking up in the middle of the night crying out for me/us again...when i go to comfort him i usually take him to go pee since he is potty trained but wears a pullup at night...besides having "bad" dreams i also thinks he wakes up because he has to go pee....
well i was just finishing up on the computer when i heard him start to stir - having a dream or something - said something like help me i think but he wasn't crying so i left him alone - when i got off the computer i decided to take him to the bathroom before going to bed just to see if maybe by me getting him to empty his bladder he might sleep the rest of the night - wishful thinking i know....
anyway, i just took him to pee and he did while still pretty much sleeping - i carried him back to his bed and laid him up on his pillow, covered him with his sheet and blanket, gave him his 2 star bears and a kiss and started to walk out of the room - i was like YES i did it - potty and back to bed without conversation maybe i can go to sleep now until my alarm goes off....as i'm walking out of the room he says in his little sleepy voice, "mommy?" and i was like ohhhhhhhh shit now what, i just want to go to bed....i said, "what honey?" and he said, "i love you" - i know, ohhhhhhhhh, he really is a very sweet boy...anyway that's my story...
Man doesn't it suck when you are just trying to simplify life and clean stuff up and you come across something that just takes you by surprise???
“YOU GO GIRL ................I LOVE YOUR SPUNK GOOD LUCK WISH I HAD DONE IT LONG AGO YOU HAVE THE CHANCE STILL TIME I LOVE YOU CALL ON YOUR NIGHT OUT IF MOM IS BUSY AND WE ARE FREE WE CAN COME AND WATCH THE KIDS..AS DR. PHIL SAYS THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR KIDS IS TO TAKE CARE OF THE PARENTS LOVE JOANN”
this was my auntie jo’s response to my 2008 resolutions/goals that I sent out to everyone…..just goes to show even when you lose someone they are always there somehow…her words gave me more encouragement to continue on this path to make a change in my life for my health and for my kids.....
Monday, April 14, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
How long have you been together? Met April 2000, Married Nov 1, 2003 - Can't believe it has been almost 8 years now.
How long did you date before moving in together? Ummm like a day.
How old is he? 39 (the big 40 this summer).
Who eats more? I think him in one sitting, but I eat more spread out over the course of the day.
Who said I love you first? I don't remember but I think I did.
Who is taller? him, by about 8-9 inches
Who is smarter? Both - him about history and boring crap like that and me about money and other lifey stuff.
Who does laundry? We both do our part - he brings down, sorts, washes, dries and brings back up - I fold and put away
Who does the dishes? We both do our share of loading and unloading the dishwasher - I'm sure he would say he does it more but I think it is pretty even
Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? If you are looking at the bed from the footboard - I'm on the Left and Mike is on the Right - even when we go away.
Who pays the bills? MEEEEEE
Who mows the lawn? The lawn service for our development
Who cooks dinner? I started off cooking more then when I went on Jenny Craig, Mike took over for himself and now I think we are at about 50/50 with me making Mr. Foods dinners and Mike grilling for us.
Who drives when you are together? Mike usually drive, I don't even offer anymore really - except this past weekend when we were coming home from Orlando - I can't remember the last time I drove all of us.
Who is more stubborn? I think it is a split. We each have our moments of not giving in.
Who kissed who first? I think we both just went in for the kiss while walking along Flagler Drive on our first date after I took his hand in the car on the way from the restaurant.
Who asked out who first? I don't know...I think we just made the decision to have our first date after talking on the phone for over a month.
Who proposed? We talked a lot about marriage and already owned a home when in April 2003 we decided to get married. He actually gave me my ring and "proposed" on one knee in gardens at the Mai Kai in Fort Lauderdale in August 2003.
Who has more siblings Me: 2 half brothers, 1 stepsister, 1 stepbrother - him: 1 brother
Who wears the pants in the family? We share although I'm sure he would say I'm more controlling. We make big decisions together.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Thursday, April 03, 2008
I found this on a friend's blog - Thanks Melissa....
Insight into ME
A=Available...not since april 2000 - married since nov 2003.
B=Best Friend...many great best friends and a really great sister i think of more as a friend.
C= Cake or pie...toss up - i like both but not a huge sweets/dessert fan so i could pass on both.
D= Drink of choice...diet coke with lemon.
E= Essential item you use everyday...my new centro palm phone/pda - love it.
F= Favorite color...i like blue and green, look good in pink and red so i like those too.
G= girlie girls...i'm not really a girlie girl - i don't do makeup and just started blowing my hair dry every morning in a super long time - maybe when Emma gets older i'll get a bit more girlie.
I= Indulgences...big DIET COKE (CARBONATED BEVERAGE) .
J= January or February...either or no preference.
K= Kids and Names..Nicholas Michael and Emma Grace.
L= Life is incomplete without...my children.
M= Marriage date...November 1, 2003.
N=Number of siblings...officially none :) but i have 2 half brothers, 1 step sister, 1 step brother and i had an exchange student sister when i was in high school and we are still close and consider each other sisters.
P= Phobias or Fears...honestly don't think i really have any - i don't care for the DARK DARK.
Q= Favorite Quote... "live well, laugh often, love much".
R= Reason to smile...My kids' laughter - great joke.
S= Season...Fall without a doubt - the biggest thing i miss from the north.
T= Truth or dare...i think i would choose truth - really don't have much to hide.
U= Unknown fact about me...i was a virgin until i met my husband.
V= Vegetable you don’t like...brussel spouts...don't think i have ever eaten them but i don't want to.
W= Worst habit...picking my hang nails but now i have my acrylics back on it isn't a problem anymore.
X= X-rays...this week or ever? not this week but definitely in my past - lots of sprained ankles growing up.
Y= Your favorite food...pizza.
Z= Zodiac Sign...Libra (October 13th)
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
man this is getting tiring - starting over on good eating...
why can't this be just something that i do anyway? why does it have to be such a friggin struggle?????
yesterday was good, no extra snacking, no bad choices, stayed on plan with my food....today has started off well and my plan is to continue on track again....
i guess i have to get to the point where eating "right" isn't a choice but more of just what i do....talking to Kim at JC last week was kinda enlightening, i have never just eaten to be right where i am - i have never been at a goal where i could start maintaining my weight - that is laughable because i have always eaten to lose or just eaten because i didnt care where i was or actually because i was just being where i was (not happily - more defeated really)
being a better person by making good choices with what i put in my mouth will honestly be a struggle i think i will have to make for the rest of my life - even when i get to my goal (and i am saying WHEN, even though i often feel IF!!)
i will still have to continue to be on guard with everything - won't I??? will it eventually just get to the point where i just know what to eat and what not to eat to keep me where i want to be????? i suppose that is the ultimate goal - knowing and doing are TWO very different things....i know i need to do this - so i guess i'll just DO IT!!!!