night #4

830....nick was at grammie's today for 6 hours and didn't get a nap, so we decided bedtime would be a bit earlier tonight....bath, jammies, forgot the teeth, instead of books we watched one 1/2hr show in the family room....hugs and kisses and then off to bed...did not start well, he wanted books, couldn't remember that we did movie instead of books - oh this is totally my fault, i did not follow my routine and now we are going to pay......i tried to start this night on my own and i just can do it...my BP has been up and down since yesterday and luckily my ankle swelling from yesterday and into last night has gone down, but i am starting to worry about my BP going up and down so i quit tonight....i just walked off to my room and closed the door the first time he got out of bed.....i cant do this alone and i gave up.....but of course while i'm laying in bed taking my blood pressure i hear mike take over, get nick, put him back to bed and get angry and start yelling about what is the matter? why wont you stay in bed? i cant take this anymore.....this is not the way to do this.....i end up getting up and taking back over cause it will mess up the process if we do it differently than the last 3 nights.....

845....nick has been out of bed twice since i sent mike away and sat on nick's bedroom floor to calm him down with hugs and kisses and snuggles.....now i am letting him stand in the hall crying for a few seconds before i send him back to bed each time.....maybe he will get tired more quickly....of course that isn't working anyway, just like this whole fu*king technique is not working.....i can not keep doing this.....

852...nick is asking me to turn the bathroom light on and i have said no not until you show me you can stay in bed....the door is closed so it isn't dark and i actually started with the door open and the light on but closed it a few minutes into tonight's process because he wasn't staying in his bed.....how much can one person take of this sh*t......seriously.....he is still asking for the bathroom light on.....and i just spoke sternly to him....i have said over and over again i am not turning the light on until you can show me you will stay in bed...do you hear me??????yes mommy....ohh look he is out of bed again.....crying in the hallway.....how long should i let him stand there crying??????

858...i turned the bathroom light on and opened the door and made him promise to stay in bed...if he gets out it gets turned off again and stays off....he asked for a hug and a kiss from me...and i gave it....he is staying in bed for the moment - crying out to me but staying in his bed.....i just went in and gave him a kiss and said very good job staying in bed...i'm very happy you are....now stay in bed....he is still calling to me, but not coming out.....

900....still crying out but not coming out of bed......

903...i just went in and whispered praise and give him hugs and kisses for staying in his bed...he is calling to me softly but not crying....

904....no crying no coming out...he must be drifting off to sleep - i will check him in a few minutes...

906.....he is asleep.....what the fu*k - so tonight was 36 minutes but a hell of a lot of fighting with hubby, nick and mommy.....but he is asleep 36 minutes after our start time even with all the drama....because this is working? or because he had no nap and is exhausted and just quit on us early tonight???? will this work? will it get better as the nights go by like everyone keeps telling me???? god i hope so..