Journey - Month 3 - March 09

Today - 3/13/09
1. What I am having for lunch today: sausage/rice/spinach soup, salad, fruit
2. Something I apologized for: not calling Sarah back this morning after her text message last night
3. The last person I thanked: Jeff for agreeing to run to office depot for me to get ink for the fax machine...don't know how i ran out...oh yeah i do - we cut back on office supplies LOL
4. The last movie I watched: he's just not that into you w/Brooke and Mel ( i seriously had to rack my brain and google recent movies online to remember that - sad, very sad)
5. My favorite song right now: love story by Taylor Swift
6. Where I ate out last: salad and soup from NYPD w/the kids last Friday after the gym
7. What I'm wearing right now: jean capris, green work polo, brown flip flops
8. What made me laugh: taking pictures of myself in the mirror last night..how silly do i feel doing that :)
9. The last person I spoke to on the phone: my sister Sarah
10. Someone I'm thinking of right now: Sarah's sister in law who has no idea her new husband of less than a year is a serious drug addict and drug dealer...everyone knows but heather and it is really sad that no one has the courage to tell her the truth...

proud of myself...

okay so we are only 3 1/2 months into the year...but i have to say i am very proud of myself and my commitment to my photo blog...i may not get the pics up everyday but i take them and save them and do them in batches no more than a week past when they were taken....i really am enjoying it and look forward to each day as they come...

Time guilt...

why when I take time for me do I always feel compelled to squeeze in mom duty stuff and then feel so guilty for leaving my kids too long with the grandparents? they watched them sat afternoon for me so i could go exercise and get some groceries...i ended up doing those things and grabbed a mani/pedi to boot....i told them it was going to be like 2 hours or so but it ended up being just over 3 and i got panicked that they were going to be annoyed i was taking too long, even though they both told me they didn't have plans and when i checked in reassured me that the kids were fine, not to worry.....They are so wonderful in offering to watch the kids and take them pretty much whenever i ask, so I'm not sure why i always worry that I'm having the kids overstay their welcome so to speak....i guess i just have to work on letting it go as it seems mommy guilt just comes with the job, not really any way to avoid it overall....

Wow, it's been 8 days already - only 32 days left...

so i honestly can not believe i have made it since last tuesday night without a soda...not one sip...nothing....i am seriously shocked...now being truthful there have been times in the last week i have wanted one very badly but it is mostly when i am eating something that just goes better with a soda, chinese or pizza....thinking about drinking water with some foods just doesn't jive with me...anyway, i picked up a case of flavored water at BJ's last weekend and have become rather fond of the taste of all the flavors...i prefer the raspberry and tropical fruit splash but the strawberry-kiwi and orange are good too...and NOOOOOOOO these are not carbonated waters, FLAT water with fruit flavoring...still zero calories with 50mg of sodium but much better than plain water...anyway, i'm sticking with it....i'm thinking i'll make it to the end of the 40 days just fine but when lent is over i will drink soda on occasion again...nothing like what i was drinking - DAILY - several several several OZ a day - always running thru the drivethru to get a big diet coke....a soda with take out or an occasional big diet coke from chik-fil-a will now become a treat, reward if you will for a job well done....

day #3

so i'm on day #3 without soda of any kind...it's not been as hard as i thought it would be...dont get me wrong, i miss it, the taste and the fizz of the fountain type, but i have been drinking water and crystal light during the day and at night milk with dinner and then water for the other times...wonder how well my body will respond to the missing beverage - will it give me a boost in the loss department this week?? here's hoping so....

Who is this big girl??

Really?? she's standing at the sink brushing her teeth before bed??? what is she 5??? goodness how time flies...

Disappointed or disheartened?? What am I?

disappointed
1. depressed or discouraged by the failure of one's hopes or expectation
Synonyms: aghast, balked, beaten, chapfallen, complaining, crestfallen, defeated, depressed, despondent, disconcerted, discontented, discouraged, disenchanted, disgruntled, disillusioned, dissatisfied, distressed, down, down in the dumps, downcast, downhearted, foiled, frustrated, hopeless, objecting, shot down, taken down, thwarted, unhappy, unsatisfied, upset, vanquished, worsted

disheartened
1. to shake or destroy the courage or resolution of; dispirit.
Synonyms: abashed, aghast, alarmed, anxious, apprehensive, aroused, blanched, cowardly, cowed, daunted, discouraged, disheartened, dismayed, distressed, disturbed, faint-hearted, frightened, frozen, have cold feet, horrified, in awe, intimidated, nervous, panic-stricken, perplexed, perturbed, petrified, rattled, run scared, scared, scared stiff, scared to death, shocked, spooked, startled, stunned, suspicious, terrified, terror-stricken, timid, timorous, trembling, upset, worried

i'm not sure how i am, what i feel, i just can't put my finger on the word....
so without going into details, i'm struggling with news i received yesterday about someone i love very much....i don't understand how it got this far out of control....i dont understand how i didn't know....i don't understand how i could have missed this....i don't understand the choices made when in the past circumstances have been sooooo different....i just don't understand why?????

i guess i will be struggling with these questions until someone wants to talk to me about what happened and until then, i will have to put it out of my head, because it just makes me too sad to even think about the situation that has developed.....i am truly sad about this, to the center of me and i just don't get it??????

The Book of Emma

View Project at Shutterfly

Lent - 40 days without soda...

Lent is the season of preparation before Easter beginning on Ash Wednesday and ending on Holy Thursday. Lent is a time of reconciliation. A time when we make space in our lives to think about our relationship with our heavenly Father and the ways in which we are responding or failing to respond to his love and care for us.

How does that equate to me giving up soda??? Okay so I have wanted to give up soda for a while now....it is not good for me, I drink too much and even my kids now seem to be headed to junkie status even though they only have sips here and there...anyway, with lent starting today, I started thinking that maybe this is the perfect time to "give up" my vice - diet coke is my one true bad habit.

I think I remember participating in Lent while in college and definitely before that when I lived at home and went to the Catholic church each Sunday with my family. Back then Lent meant "giving up candy" or "giving up a favorite show" in sacrifice. But now after doing a little reading online I realize it is about self-discipline, a season of penance, reflection and fasting. Giving up soda is not a sacrifice. It is for the betterment of me so how can that be bad?

Journey - Month 2 - February 09

Today - 2/13/09
1. What I had for lunch today: left over spag w/meat sauce and a salad w/blush wine vinagrette
2. Something I apologized for: making brooke wait for me to go walking tonight
3. The last person I thanked: jeff for picking up the stuff for michael at work
4. The last movie I watched: we watched the bee movie in two sittings
5. My favorite song right now: still like bleeding love by leona lewis...i don't get to listen to the radio that much with the kids in the car and when i listen to my ipod it is the same dance music for exercise
6. Where I ate out last: sweet tomatos lunch w/the girls - salad & baked potato
7. What I'm wearing right now: gym pants, sweaty boothbay harbor tshirt
8. What made me laugh: tickling emma before bed
9. The last person I spoke to on the phone: mike on my way home from walking with Brooke
10. Someone I'm thinking of right now: mike, i hope we get some alone time tonight ;)