Computer virus...

seriously as if my life at work is not complicated enough, i have a friggin virus that i have known about for a few weeks but havent had the time to deal with since it wasnt really affecting my work...okay NOW IT IS AFFECTING my programs...my backup program lost the setup backup, my outlook is not working correctly, my computer lags...i called the IT guy now before i headed out and he is gone for the day - WTF??? so now i have to call tomorrow and who knows how long it will be before they can come out and deal with this shit...i need my computer to do my job...there is soooooo much i have to do before the end of the week....i can't take it anymore.....grrrrrrrrrrrr why are there viruses???? people are sooo stupid that create them...assholes i say, assholes....

work stresses....

not sure if people see me the same way i think i set out to be....does that make sense?? but i do not hold stress for a very long period of time...if something is bothering me, i usually talk it out and then let it go, mostly, depending on what it really is of course...with that being said, i never really have "complained" about work - well not for the most part...BUT for about a year or so i have really been struggling with my job and how to deal with the stresses of how my boss runs HIS company....i am constantly stealing from peter to pay paul and i just don't know if i can keep doing this...i have worked for my boss for over 8 1/2 years - almost as long as i have been with Mike and it is hard even thinking about going somewhere else, but i don't know how to do my job when i struggle sooo much everyday with what i am doing....cash flow is so low right now, i'm making payments later than they should be made, i'm getting calls from trades asking for money i don't have to pay to them, i was giving my boss money left and right last year for his own personal use and now it is to a point that i have TOLD him, no more, i have no more to give and i am now personally suffering/effected by his frivolous spending to the point that we had to let go my "assistant" and i have more work/responsibilities, i did not get a raise this year, i did not get a christmas bonus like i have every year, and the company is not contributing $ to my health savings account to cover my $3,000 insurance deductible for now anyway....so essentially i am taking a pay cut- getting a demotion so to speak with the extra work and less benefits...it really pisses me off and i just feel resentment towards my boss every time i think about allllll the extra payroll he took last year that should have been available to the company to keep us comfortable for the coming year....instead he lives a fuc*ing palm beach lifestyle when he should be living a west palm beach one....mike and i talk all the time about how we would live our life with the money my boss and his (non-working but on the payroll) wife bring home every week...man we would be in hog heaven....granted the more you make the more you are taxed but come onnnnnnn - seriously - budget - budget - budget....no amount of moving $ around is going to make money that is not there be there......so in closing, i am struggling, because i seriously do not keep this shit with me usually and just don't know how much longer i can hold on....it is wearing my ass down....seriously down....

death of a child....

my friend kerri's sister lost her son suddenly while john travolta and kelly preston also lost their son over the weekend...

the death of a child has got to be the most devastating event in a parent's life...my heart goes out to all those who have lost a child...i wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy...embrace your children and be thankful for all that you have....life is tooo short to be bogged down by all the bullshit...live and love everyday like it is your last....

update on my positives list from july 08.....

so here is an update to my positives list created in july 08...

1. 2 Healthy, beautiful children who make me smile EVERY DAY!!!!! - even though we have had a run of the icky flu and now we all have the sniffles/colds...
2. A husband who I know loves me even when we are having hard times - yeah he still loves me and yeah we still have hard times but i feel like we are finally at a point where we might actually be working together to do some repairs....we'll see what the new year brings....
3. A roof over my head that we can afford to live in - still in the same place, love to dream about a bigger home with a nice yard for the kids, but this works just fine so here we are...
4. A job that pays the bills and allows us to have the things we need/want/like - we are still both employed even though both our markets are struggling, mine - construction & mike's - banking/mortgages....we are very lucky to have a paycheck and even though we BOTH get frustrated with the tasks at hand most days we are grateful for the paycheck....
5. Great friends that are there when I need them - my friends are wonderful and i am very thankful i found such a wonderful bunch...
6. Family that will help out in times of trouble or just because - our families are still here willing to help whenever we ask, which is a blessing in itself as it gives mike and i a chance to spend some time together, which we desperately need, without the added expense of a babysitter.....
7. Living in an area that has many fun and different things for me to do with my children, beach, parks, library, playgrounds, movies - no need to travel to do things like when I was growing up - okay so this really is a good thing, i just wish i would spend more time doing the fun things that are in our area, especially with the kids...more beach, park, playground time in 2009....
8. My People magazine subscription - even though I don't get to read it right away like I used to pre 2 kids, I know it is always going to be in my mailbox on Sat or at the latest Mon for when I can get to it - yeah yeah yeah, i'm backed up with people magazines, shoot me - i have like 4 on my nightstand and i'll get to them i promise once we get past our disney trip this weekend...i'll put them in my gym bag for my thurs workouts...
9. Big Brother 10 - it is just fun to just watch as other people make complete asses of themselves for my enjoyment - BB10 is over so it brings me no further joy....survivor was okay and a new one starts in january but they really havent been that great lately....
10. The fact that my husband keeps up with the pictures of my kids and their milestones - more updates to family and friends is the goal for 09 - i am on facebook and hope to get my calendars from shutterfly done for the grandparents the first week of january....
11. Even though I am not at my weight goal yet and I have gotten off track a few times so far this year, I still haven't gone all the way back to my bad habits and ways and "wasted" the work/accomplishments I have achieved this year with my weight. I'm still down almost 18 pounds since Jan and I know if I just persevere and stay on track, I can do this - i'm down 27 lbs since january 08 and continue to shrink now that i am part of a biggest losers club....we have 6 weeks left in the current challenge and if i keep it up, i might win the first pot of $ - over $200 bucks...getting on a schedule for my walks with Brooke and the gym in the new year will help get the job done....
12. I have a very comfortable bed - even my kids sleep well in it when I let them - not in the middle of the night!!! - yup my butter bed is still as comfy as ever...
13. Mike has been helping alot more lately with the kidsy chores and that has been very nice - splitting tub duty and bedtime rituals and getting ready in the am process make life so much easier for me...
14. Getting back to church in order to schedule Emma's christening has given me a better sense of "belonging", not really sure what it means, but I enjoy going to services and I no longer feel like it is a chore or burden on my Sundays - mike and i have made a "committment" to start attending church at least every other week starting in january...there is no reason why i can't get there.....it's important to me and i need to make the time...
15. our new coffee maker - i love the new keurig machine i bought mike for christmas....it is perfect for our needs and i'm so glad i talked myself into getting it...

my list didnt grow too much but i'm still very happy with all the things on my original list..

I'm still guessing no matter how hard things seem sometimes, it does make you feel better to look at all the good in your life and know that things can only get better with time....

another day another post....

so 2008 is about to end....
emma is sooo busy being a 1 year old with nick sooo busy being a 4 year old....i can not believe how quickly this year flew by....
i feel like i have personally grown this year in many ways...i'm down 27 pounds since january 1st and still working hard at it with my biggest loser group....i'm working on being a better wife and mother with patience and listening to my husband and kids....i'm getting more movement into my day/week by walking with Brooke and/or heading to the gym when i have the time....
there is always a precious need for balance in all that we do on a daily basis, but i think i'm doing okay with it....
i'm looking forward to more changes in 2009 - continue to get the weight off, continue to move my ass and get in shape, continue to spend time with my friends and family, continue to work on being a better wife and mother....i think the best resolutions are ones that can carry forward from year to year and aren't "completed" in a 1 year period - working on things for a lifetime makes them more likely to "stick"
Happy New Year

keeping up...

okay why is it sooo hard to keep up my blog?? seriously, i can log in for like 5 minutes a day to chit chat about what is going on in our lives, discuss the shows i am watching, talk about the weather??? just random BS that would help me keep a daily "log" if you will of what is current in my life...okay so one resolution for 09 besides the standard eat right, exercise more stuff is to log onto my blogs once a day and type out a post...i am also going to do a 365 days of photos blog like my friend melissa...i will do my best to keep that updated at least once a week of random things i take pics of, i may do the kids or fun things i see in the world around me...it should be a fun project and i want to make the commitment to keep it up....sooooo keep me honest, question me when you dont see new posts and hassle me even if the need arises.....

child safety...

learned a very important lesson today...
does not matter how smart you think your kids are or how well you think you know what they will or will not do, they will surprise you and not always in the best ways....i will be buying 2 locked boxes to store medicine in because my very smart 4 year old son decided to drink between 1-2 oz of children's motrin this morning....luckily he came to mike and told him right after he did it and there were no side effects based on what poison control told me to look for, but seriously, i never in a million years imagined that he would do that!!!!!!!!!
so now to be safe, i'm going to buy the boxes and all medicine will go in them and we will have to take an extra 10 seconds to unlock a box before giving motrin or tylenol or even get something for ourselves...it is just too big a risk to take.....

Nick's eating update...

so starting this past monday we have been making one dinner for our family: mommy, daddy, nick and emma - pork chops, chix and another chix....emma has eaten every meal, as has daddy and mommy...first night, nick at the corn on the cob, second night nick ate one bite of corn and licked the cranberry sauce, last night - nothing...not a bite off his plate....tonight luckily for him, (i'm giving him thurs to have chix nuggets) he goes to grammie and grampa's house and they get him chix nuggets from wendy's on the way....emma will have spaghetti with them, which i'm sure she will gladly eat....
the pediatrician at nick's 4 year check told him he had to eat as many bites as he is old...so i'm giving him 4 bites of each thing on his plate...and if he chooses not to eat then he is done for the night, no snacks, no milk, nothing other than water....i figure after 2 weeks the boy will realize i'm not kidding around anymore and just try some stuff that i know he will like......patience and determination are what i have to keep telling myself....sticking with it this time, no more cereal for dinner every night, i'm over it......

PS like i mentioned above, emma is eating everything, off baby food, drinking out of a cup at meals and loving every bit of the whole milk we give her....man that girl can eat....she's in the 25th percentile for weight, let's hope she keeps it that way and stays petite.....

First Day Blues!!!!!

so my big big girl moved to the Starfish class on her 1st birthday....she was fine while i was sitting on the floor next to her but man, the second i even made a move to get up to go, she busted out crying....my dear husband the family paparazzi, snapped this lovely shot to record the memory of my sweet girl on her first day in her new class....i left her shortly after this and she looked pretty much the same....thankfully over the next 2-3 days it got much better and she is now finishing her 2nd week in there and doing fine, she fusses when i leave in the morning still a bit but nothing like the first few days.....and her activity in the room throughout the day is crazy, she is all over the place finding stuff to do.....what a big big girl she is....

kid's birthdays...

another year has past...
nick is 4 and emma has turned 1...
holy moly does time fly....