This and That

A Great Day....

2010-05-08T23:59:00.006-04:00

what a great day....got to group power...kids went to the playroom at the gym during my class...first time that i can ever remember dropping them off and emma not giving me a hard time...amazing what 5-6 months does to change a child - think the last time i went was before christmas and she cried and cried and it made me not want to work out cause i was worrying about how she was....anyway, she was great, didnt even give me a kid goodbye when i left for my class....
group power was awesome, i dont remember the last time i took the class...gonna look it up in my calendar now, looks like it was october???? anyway, it was great and am now committed to going at least once a week and will try for a second day as well....
grabbed lunch from mcd's (salad and a wrap for me) and then headed to the library with mom and the kids...
got tons of great books for the kids and am actually going to start reading a short dinosaur chapter book to nick before bed each night starting sunday...we'll see if we can make it thru the series....
after the library we hit mom's pool with the kids for a very refreshing swim...both kids are so much fun in the water...emma is trying to swim either with her ring or her arm floaties...nick gets his goggles on and has really started to swim further and further...he realized today he can touch the bottom in the shallowest part of mom's community pool...makes it easier for him to swim and boosts his confidence and my piece of mind....

when they were done swimming they both read some books from the library while grammie read her book and i stayed cool in the water...
the kids and i went for dairy queen after the pool and then headed home to see what daddy was up to...he got the cover installed over emma's skylight and now we will have to wait and see if it keeps out the rain/storm noise that sooo often wakes her in the night with great fear....
i cleaned out the outside toys bin in the garage and organized the stuff inside; bubbles with bubbles, chalk in 2 buckets instead of spilled all over the bottom and in half filled packages, bubbles on the back shelf, balls in a basket, bowling sets in a bucket; just general sorting and organizing and it made me feel awesome....the kids played in the yard and we were outside from 5-8...i let nick have a 1/2 an hour on the computer when we first got home cause he learned a new trick from one of the kids at the library to get passed a certain point on some cartoon network game online....he gave me a fuss when i said enough, come outside but then he was busy busy busy for the next 2 1/2 hours...
nick had cereal, yogurt and watermelon for dinner; emma had a hot dog, cheezits, applesauce and a cheese stick and by the time they were done, emma was melting from no nap and so much outside play...jammies and a little snuggle time in my bed and she was asleep in 2 minutes as i rubbed her head...i didnt even realize it until i scooped her to put her in her crib...mike was like, oh yeah she has been sleeping for like 10 mins lol....
after nick went to bed with great ease (he too was tired from a busy day) we settled in for some parenthood and grey's anatomy....
really, this has been a great day....off to bed to watch some saturday night live with betty white as the host...she is a pretty funny gal....

Ten on Thursday (well late wednesday, early thursday :)....

2010-05-06T01:03:00.003-04:00

1. thank god our A/C is fixed....we spent money we didn't have to fix the problem but it had to be done...
2. mom has the kids tonight so i am going running after work along the water and then heading straight to the gym...if i can catch a class great, otherwise I'm going to do some weights....
3. only 3 more tball games until the season is over and unfortunately, I'm looking forward to it being done...i need my committed 2 nights a week back for my running right after work...get it done before i come home and then i can guarantee I'll have part of the week completed and will be more motivated to do more...
4. what is up with the children's medicine recall???? seriously, i have 2 bottles on my computer table i have requested a refund on and still have to check my diaper bag and my mom's house for Motrin bottles that might be part of the recall...guess i better make sure i have some generic for the next round of molars for my girlie...
5. made my a list of household projects based on a question of the day earlier this week and it really got me to thinking about getting some of these things going on the weekends...there is no reason why i can't start and finish the back yard...of course now it getting hot again and mike wont be able to build the deck, but why can't i move ahead with my plans anyway....
6. realized during out hot hot nights with no A/C, I'm not ready to move Emma to a bed yet...tried putting her in nick's room in the extra bed since he had an open window and a fan, wasn't working out...she is not ready...but mostly, I'm not ready to deal with her in a bed/getting out of a bed....she is fine in her crib and will stay there a bit longer until???? not really sure when :)
7. mom's weekend away - we talked awhile back about doing another mom's weekend away (missed last year but did it 2 years ago for the first time ever)...i really hope we can pull it off this fall - even if it is just a local hotel with a pool/beach and no kids :)
8. work is work...i still like my job, but some days are really hard to deal with the stress and pressure of slow coming money or the wait for new projects to start up....i truly wonder if my boss realizes the stress I'm under...
9. wishing mike and i could connect without the kids around more...we don't seem to be spending much time together lately and I'm missing him even though he is right here...
10. so glad that opa's surgery seems to have turned out well...he keeps saying he's coming home tomorrow which was Tuesday and then Wednesday and now Thursday...we'll see, i cant imagine they crack open your chest and give you a triple bypass on a friday and then let you go home in under a week??? but maybe???

Goals for 2010

2010-01-02T00:09:00.003-05:00

so this will be an ongoing list updated from time to time but for now here it is....
1. complete disney 1/2 marathon in under 3 hrs 15 min
2. exercise 4+ days a week
3. continue tracking my food on the lose it app on my phone DAILY
4. do at least one family activity a week - kids make a "list", draw from the box (i have the box and the cards)
5. date night at least once a month
6. activity with mom at least once a month with or without kids
7. keep up with pictures off the cameras and onto the computer and shared by shutterfly, facebook or email
8. remember and recognize friends and families birthdays with a call or an email
9. make 3 new friends before the end of the year
10. get tax paperwork to accountant by mid february and ask that he get it done before april 15, even if it means i have to pay for it :)

Journey - Month 12 - December 2009

2009-12-11T16:31:00.007-05:00

picture taken in downtown disney last week

1. What I had for lunch today: turkey, ham, cheese sand on wheat, baked lays, diet dew
2. Something I apologized for: maybe breaking the garbage can but it turned out that i didn't :)
3. The last person I thanked: emma for helping me put something away ( i used a task as a distraction to stop her from whining/crying - gawd, i'm getting tired of the whining LOL)
4. The last movie I watched: Taken, very good - suspenseful movie
5. My favorite song right now: i've gotta feeling by the black eyed peas
6. Where I ate out last: Denny's, Orlando
7. What I'm wearing right now: mikes boxer briefs, maine tshirt
8. What made me laugh: Emma and the things she says, the other morning i asked her if she messed up the tv, knowing that the satellite was just resetting itself, and she said, "i didn't do anything" so innocently and it just made me smile
9. The last person I spoke to on the phone: my sister, big surprise i know :)
10. Someone I'm thinking of right now: the kids - hoping they sleep thru the night

Journey - Month 11 - November 2009

2009-11-23T15:59:00.003-05:00

1. What I had for lunch today: pork chop, mashed potato, peas, apple slices
2. Something I apologized for: mike for univiting him to orlando to visit rosie in december
3. The last person I thanked: Chara for faxing something for me
4. The last movie I watched: UP!!!
5. My favorite song right now: i gotta feeling by the black eyed peas
6. Where I ate out last: Nick's school for Thanksgiving luncheon
7. What I'm wearing right now: jean capris, green work polo, flip flops
8. What made me laugh: my sister on the phone carrying on about how she has to pee and is hitting bumps but needs a drink of water at the same time...
9. The last person I spoke to on the phone: my sister about her carrie underwood haircut
10. Someone I'm thinking of right now: all the people i'm not buying gifts for this year...we just dont have the money...

Journey - Month 10 - October 2009

2009-10-26T16:39:00.002-04:00

picture is from the 13th but answers are from the 26th...i'm a few days late - sue me :)
1. What I had for lunch today: smartones meatloaf w/mashed pot, carrots, granny smith w/peanut butter
2. Something I apologized for: chara for interrupting her while on the phone
3. The last person I thanked: chara for ordering a new dated stamp for me for work
4. The last movie I watched: couples retreat
5. My favorite song right now: don't really have one, i'm listening to same stuff from ipod for running
6. Where I ate out last: vicky's house for potluck bunco
7. What I'm wearing right now: jean capris, blue work polo, brown flip flops
8. What made me laugh: seeing emma dragging the wagon with all our pumpkins in it
9. The last person I spoke to on the phone: kara making plans to go running tonight w/elissa
10. Someone I'm thinking of right now: mike, hoping he remembers it is his night to pick up the kids

Journey - Month 9 - Sept 09

2009-09-14T13:46:00.005-04:00

1. What I had for lunch today: healthy choice sweet/sour spicy chix, cheese, grapes
2. Something I apologized for: mike for calling him 3 or 4 times this morning to give me info from the computer table
3. The last person I thanked: the sales guy at fit2run for helping me get shoes/socks for my training
4. The last movie I watched: both sisterhood of the traveling pants movies
5. My favorite song right now: boom boom pow by the black eyed peas
6. Where I ate out last: Chili's
7. What I'm wearing right now: jean capris, pink work polo, black flip flops
8. What made me laugh: emma's messed up haircut but not in a good way
9. The last person I spoke to on the phone: my sister sarah
10. Someone I'm thinking of right now: me - really feel good about writing down my training plan on a calendar and am looking forward to the challenge of sticking to it for the 1/2 marathon in january

Journey - Month 8 - Aug 09

2009-08-17T23:57:00.003-04:00

Today - 8/17/09
1. What I had for lunch today: healthy choice pot roast, cuke w/balsamic vinager
2. Something I apologized for: to mike for forgetting to the pot roast in the crock pot this morning for dinner - duh....
3. The last person I thanked: Sarah for her opinion on birthday party things...
4. The last movie I watched: The Ugly Truth
5. My favorite song right now: halo by beyonce
6. Where I ate out last: fon shan's take out
7. What I'm wearing right now: mike's boxer briefs, turquoise tank top
8. What made me laugh: emma screaming at the top of her lungs for mike who was putting the garbage out
9. The last person I spoke to on the phone: mike saying i was in the driveway :)
10. Someone I'm thinking of right now: mike asleep on the couch, should i try to wake him and get him up to bed when i go???

another kid....another night of interrupted sleep

2009-08-05T10:10:00.002-04:00

okay so i'm racking my brain trying to remember when nick started this waking up in the middle of the night horseshit...emma has been doing it for about 2 weeks now where she will wake up and cry for us to come to her...if we go to comfort her by rubbing her back or quietly reassuring her that we are just in the other room sleeping she calms down....BUT the second we start to walk away from her crib she starts SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF....i don't mean just regular crying, i mean screaming bloody murder....we know it is a control thing and she just wants us to stay with her but i just don't think it is a good thing to get started in that "bad" habit....i remember clearly laying/sleeping on nick's floor when he was still in his crib before we had the bunk beds in his room, just to get him to stop crying.....i CAN'T do that again....i'm at my wits end because i don't want to give emma different treatment but isn't that parenthood? learning from your past experiences/mistakes????

i just wish she would have continued being the model sleeper
regular night time routine of play, dinner, tub, jammies, books/play, snuggle in our bed w/tv or in the glider in her room in the dark, "emma you ready for your crib?" "yes mommy, my bed", put her to bed, she rubs her feet along the sheet and snuggles into her mattress with her taggie blankets by her face, holding the green tag, sleep thru the night and call/cry to us in the morning around 6am....ohhhhhh what i wouldn't give to go back to that.....we jinxed ourselves by complaining about her "early" awakening at 6am....ohhhhhh to go back to being able to sleep all night and get up at 6AM....

oh and on top of the issues with emma's sleeping changes, nick is getting up at least once a night to come get me to take him to go pee....i'm getting like 4-5 hours of sleep a night....

a rant of sorts....Toddlers & Tiaras

2009-07-31T11:54:00.002-04:00

i have already posted about this on facebook and gone "off" on my husband about it, but i just don't seem to be able to let it go......
there is this stupid show on TLC that just started it's second season called Toddlers and Tiaras and i for the life of me can not understand HOW/WHY the programming on this show is allowed on television let alone HOW/WHY these stupid parents are allowed to put their kids/daughters in this crap they call Pageant work....
i do not understand how a grown adult could dress their child like a stripper, hooker, whore, with a face full of makeup and hair up to the skies with trampy slutty outfits on doing sexy dance moves on a stage for a freakin tiara/crown/prize...
I JUST DO NOT GET IT!!!!
it infuriates me more and more even as i type this post....what are they thinking??? these girls look sooooooo awful and they could be soooo beautiful if they would be able to just grow, develop and be kids....4 year olds wearing more makeup and hairspray than i have ever even put on my face/hair in my 36+ years.....
AWFUL...
okay i'm done, i'll let it go...i just dont get it and that is what bothers me the most...

Journey - Month 7 - July 09

2009-07-14T22:50:00.003-04:00

Today - 7/14/09
1. What I had for lunch today: lean cuisine lasagna, salad w/lt italian dressing, fruit salad (watermelon, blueberries, strawberries)
2. Something I apologized for: to mike for being home so late last night from the mall with the kids (haircuts, new shoes and dinner for them brought us home way past 830 which made our dinner after 9 once they were in bed)
3. The last person I thanked: mike for making dinner tonight
4. The last movie I watched: Horton Hears a Who
5. My favorite song right now: the climb by miley cyrus
6. Where I ate out last: fon shaun's take out
7. What I'm wearing right now: dark grey exercise pants, race for the cure tshirt (heading on the treadmill)
8. What made me laugh: emma climbing in the back window of mike's car while i was moving and readjusting his car seats
9. The last person I spoke to on the phone: mike saying i was on my way to get nick
10. Someone I'm thinking of right now: me, get on the treadmill girlie, get off the computer...

the climb.....

2009-06-25T00:07:00.001-04:00

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they might knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,
cause

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Somebody you're going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about
It’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith
Whoaaa Ohwaoooh

Journey - Month 6 - June 09

2009-06-14T13:02:00.006-04:00

Today - 6/14/09
1. What I had for lunch today: chix salad w/grapes, apples & shredded carrots over lettuce, baked bbq lays
2. Something I apologized for: gonna apologize to mike when i get downstairs for taking so long
3. The last person I thanked: mom and jim for watching the kids so i could go exercise
4. The last movie I watched: Bolt
5. My favorite song right now: halo still by beyonce
6. Where I ate out last: we had rosalita's tex mex last night (it was takeout)
7. What I'm wearing right now: black exercise pants, grey tshirt
8. What made me laugh: my kids, i can't think of a specific thing that was the most recent event but i laugh with them every day
9. The last person I spoke to on the phone: mike telling him i was on my way home with the kids from mom's after exercising
10. Someone I'm thinking of right now: me, can i really commit to 5 days of exercise this week and can i write down all my food and make the right choices AGAIN????????

Journey - Month 5 - May 09

2009-05-11T23:40:00.006-04:00

Today - 5/13/09
1. What I had for lunch today: chix quesadilla from JFK airport
2. Something I apologized for: honestly i'm wracking my brain here, i can not think of anything right now
3. The last person I thanked: sarah for moving pak n play in the closet for emma
4. The last movie I watched: Earth
5. My favorite song right now: Halo by Beyonce
6. Where I ate out last: chili's
7. What I'm wearing right now: pj's and a tank
8. What made me laugh: kid's playing/running around
9. The last person I spoke to on the phone: my sister sarah
10. Someone I'm thinking of right now: nick, hope he does okay upstairs tonight at sarah's in the bedroom alone

Journey - Month 4 - April 09

2009-04-14T20:56:00.008-04:00

Today - 4/14/09
1. What I had for lunch today: lean cuisine cheese french bread pizza, sliced cukes w/balsamic vin, carrots w/lt ranch dressing
2. Something I apologized for: to mike for coming home so late from work
3. The last person I thanked: mike for picking the kids up at school when i usually do
4. The last movie I watched: the 2nd half of forgetting sarah marshall
5. My favorite song right now: i'm yours by Jason Mraz
6. Where I ate out last: toojay's lunch with danielle from bunco more than 2wks ago
7. What I'm wearing right now: mike's boxer briefs, white tank top
8. What made me laugh: emma playing with her babies in their stroller and her shopping cart
9. The last person I spoke to on the phone: my mom
10. Someone I'm thinking of right now: my boss, i hope what i stayed late to finish for him was what/how he wanted it....i'm taking a personal day tomorrow and really hope when i walk in thurs there isn't attitude about me being off wed

40 days...

2009-04-05T23:30:00.001-04:00

okay so in 1/2 hour i will have been 40 full days without a drop, a sip, a drink of soda...not one in 40 days...
NOW WHAT???
1. do i go back to what i was doing? drinking wayyyyy too many oz each day....
2. do i become a casual soda drinker like i probably should have been all along? have diet with a special meal....
3. do i just stay soda free forever??? can i do that??? do i really need to????

i'm thinking option #2....i miss it but i've done fine without it-so as long as i don't go back into my bad old habits of excessively drinking soda, i think the occasional diet coke will not kill me...

seriously didnt think i could do it...i have to say i am very proud of myself for sticking to my commitment....
good job girlie :)

another month has passed in 2009....

2009-04-01T00:08:00.005-04:00

okay so it is officially april 1st. holy crap we are 1/3 of the way thru 2009. how can that be??? emma is 18 months and nick is 4 1/2 - seriously when did time start moving so quickly...

emma is saying more and more words everyday, including i love you...it just melts my heart when i hear her say it...the other night i was laying with her at the condo getting her quiet before putting her in the pack n play for the night, i whispered to her, "i love you" and around her binkie she said it back to me, so i said it again, "i love you" and she said it back to me again, i kept saying it like 5 times just to see if she would keep saying it back to me and she did everytime.... it made me smile and tear up at the same time...what a big girl...oh and of course everytime we drive by a lake or a pond or a fountain, she says "WAAATERRRRR"

nick amazes me each day with how smart he is - mike and i laugh constantly at the things that he comes up with - while watching the lost world (Jurassic Park 2) last night he said, "they're going down!!!" about the dinosaurs taking out the people or the city or something, it was very funny...

i only have 5 more days of my 40 days without soda...can't say that i am not craving it but i can honestly say i have not had one sip, not one single sip of soda in the last 35 days...dont get me wrong i have momentary lapses where i have said WTF just get a soda, but i have not!!!! i'm looking forward to enjoying a big diet coke from a fountain when "my time is up" :) but i will not go back to being a REGULAR soda drinker as the whole purpose of me giving it up was to make better choices for my body....

frustrated???? discouraged??? why????

2009-03-24T14:27:00.003-04:00

okay it's another one of those days....what am i??? how am i feeling???? why do "bad" things happen to good people???? why when people work so hard in life do they constantly seem to be shut down??? why does one person seem to have such horrible luck with work??? why can't he catch a break??? why does he have to feel like this so often when it hurts him so badly????
i just cant get past the fact there are so many people who don't care about working and then there he is, wanting to work, wanting to provide for his family, wanting to be in a job he likes but at this point willing to do what needs to be done to provide for his family...whyyyyy can't he just catch a break? why can't he find that one perfect job to make him happy and allow him to provide for his family, make him feel successful??? is that really too much to ask???

WTF is all i have to say right now - WTF???? give us a break

Journey - Month 3 - March 09

2009-03-13T11:09:00.001-04:00

Today - 3/13/09
1. What I am having for lunch today: sausage/rice/spinach soup, salad, fruit
2. Something I apologized for: not calling Sarah back this morning after her text message last night
3. The last person I thanked: Jeff for agreeing to run to office depot for me to get ink for the fax machine...don't know how i ran out...oh yeah i do - we cut back on office supplies LOL
4. The last movie I watched: he's just not that into you w/Brooke and Mel ( i seriously had to rack my brain and google recent movies online to remember that - sad, very sad)
5. My favorite song right now: love story by Taylor Swift
6. Where I ate out last: salad and soup from NYPD w/the kids last Friday after the gym
7. What I'm wearing right now: jean capris, green work polo, brown flip flops
8. What made me laugh: taking pictures of myself in the mirror last night..how silly do i feel doing that :)
9. The last person I spoke to on the phone: my sister Sarah
10. Someone I'm thinking of right now: Sarah's sister in law who has no idea her new husband of less than a year is a serious drug addict and drug dealer...everyone knows but heather and it is really sad that no one has the courage to tell her the truth...

proud of myself...

2009-03-13T00:28:00.001-04:00

okay so we are only 3 1/2 months into the year...but i have to say i am very proud of myself and my commitment to my photo blog...i may not get the pics up everyday but i take them and save them and do them in batches no more than a week past when they were taken....i really am enjoying it and look forward to each day as they come...

Time guilt...

2009-03-07T19:55:00.002-05:00

why when I take time for me do I always feel compelled to squeeze in mom duty stuff and then feel so guilty for leaving my kids too long with the grandparents? they watched them sat afternoon for me so i could go exercise and get some groceries...i ended up doing those things and grabbed a mani/pedi to boot....i told them it was going to be like 2 hours or so but it ended up being just over 3 and i got panicked that they were going to be annoyed i was taking too long, even though they both told me they didn't have plans and when i checked in reassured me that the kids were fine, not to worry.....They are so wonderful in offering to watch the kids and take them pretty much whenever i ask, so I'm not sure why i always worry that I'm having the kids overstay their welcome so to speak....i guess i just have to work on letting it go as it seems mommy guilt just comes with the job, not really any way to avoid it overall....

Wow, it's been 8 days already - only 32 days left...

2009-03-04T14:31:00.004-05:00

so i honestly can not believe i have made it since last tuesday night without a soda...not one sip...nothing....i am seriously shocked...now being truthful there have been times in the last week i have wanted one very badly but it is mostly when i am eating something that just goes better with a soda, chinese or pizza....thinking about drinking water with some foods just doesn't jive with me...anyway, i picked up a case of flavored water at BJ's last weekend and have become rather fond of the taste of all the flavors...i prefer the raspberry and tropical fruit splash but the strawberry-kiwi and orange are good too...and NOOOOOOOO these are not carbonated waters, FLAT water with fruit flavoring...still zero calories with 50mg of sodium but much better than plain water...anyway, i'm sticking with it....i'm thinking i'll make it to the end of the 40 days just fine but when lent is over i will drink soda on occasion again...nothing like what i was drinking - DAILY - several several several OZ a day - always running thru the drivethru to get a big diet coke....a soda with take out or an occasional big diet coke from chik-fil-a will now become a treat, reward if you will for a job well done....

day #3

2009-02-27T15:02:00.002-05:00

so i'm on day #3 without soda of any kind...it's not been as hard as i thought it would be...dont get me wrong, i miss it, the taste and the fizz of the fountain type, but i have been drinking water and crystal light during the day and at night milk with dinner and then water for the other times...wonder how well my body will respond to the missing beverage - will it give me a boost in the loss department this week?? here's hoping so....

Who is this big girl??

2009-02-26T23:40:00.000-05:00

Really?? she's standing at the sink brushing her teeth before bed??? what is she 5??? goodness how time flies...

Disappointed or disheartened?? What am I?

2009-02-26T10:34:00.006-05:00

disappointed
1. depressed or discouraged by the failure of one's hopes or expectation
Synonyms: aghast, balked, beaten, chapfallen, complaining, crestfallen, defeated, depressed, despondent, disconcerted, discontented, discouraged, disenchanted, disgruntled, disillusioned, dissatisfied, distressed, down, down in the dumps, downcast, downhearted, foiled, frustrated, hopeless, objecting, shot down, taken down, thwarted, unhappy, unsatisfied, upset, vanquished, worsted

disheartened
1. to shake or destroy the courage or resolution of; dispirit.
Synonyms: abashed, aghast, alarmed, anxious, apprehensive, aroused, blanched, cowardly, cowed, daunted, discouraged, disheartened, dismayed, distressed, disturbed, faint-hearted, frightened, frozen, have cold feet, horrified, in awe, intimidated, nervous, panic-stricken, perplexed, perturbed, petrified, rattled, run scared, scared, scared stiff, scared to death, shocked, spooked, startled, stunned, suspicious, terrified, terror-stricken, timid, timorous, trembling, upset, worried

i'm not sure how i am, what i feel, i just can't put my finger on the word....
so without going into details, i'm struggling with news i received yesterday about someone i love very much....i don't understand how it got this far out of control....i dont understand how i didn't know....i don't understand how i could have missed this....i don't understand the choices made when in the past circumstances have been sooooo different....i just don't understand why?????

i guess i will be struggling with these questions until someone wants to talk to me about what happened and until then, i will have to put it out of my head, because it just makes me too sad to even think about the situation that has developed.....i am truly sad about this, to the center of me and i just don't get it??????

The Book of Emma

2009-02-25T14:20:00.001-05:00

View Project at Shutterfly

Lent - 40 days without soda...

2009-02-25T10:00:00.006-05:00

Lent is the season of preparation before Easter beginning on Ash Wednesday and ending on Holy Thursday. Lent is a time of reconciliation. A time when we make space in our lives to think about our relationship with our heavenly Father and the ways in which we are responding or failing to respond to his love and care for us.

How does that equate to me giving up soda??? Okay so I have wanted to give up soda for a while now....it is not good for me, I drink too much and even my kids now seem to be headed to junkie status even though they only have sips here and there...anyway, with lent starting today, I started thinking that maybe this is the perfect time to "give up" my vice - diet coke is my one true bad habit.

I think I remember participating in Lent while in college and definitely before that when I lived at home and went to the Catholic church each Sunday with my family. Back then Lent meant "giving up candy" or "giving up a favorite show" in sacrifice. But now after doing a little reading online I realize it is about self-discipline, a season of penance, reflection and fasting. Giving up soda is not a sacrifice. It is for the betterment of me so how can that be bad?

Journey - Month 2 - February 09

2009-02-13T23:26:00.004-05:00

Today - 2/13/09
1. What I had for lunch today: left over spag w/meat sauce and a salad w/blush wine vinagrette
2. Something I apologized for: making brooke wait for me to go walking tonight
3. The last person I thanked: jeff for picking up the stuff for michael at work
4. The last movie I watched: we watched the bee movie in two sittings
5. My favorite song right now: still like bleeding love by leona lewis...i don't get to listen to the radio that much with the kids in the car and when i listen to my ipod it is the same dance music for exercise
6. Where I ate out last: sweet tomatos lunch w/the girls - salad & baked potato
7. What I'm wearing right now: gym pants, sweaty boothbay harbor tshirt
8. What made me laugh: tickling emma before bed
9. The last person I spoke to on the phone: mike on my way home from walking with Brooke
10. Someone I'm thinking of right now: mike, i hope we get some alone time tonight ;)

new "pose" for my next wall collage

2009-02-04T00:40:00.003-05:00

so after looking through pictures taken in 2007, i noticed several of nick and i from the back holding hands walking away from mike who was taking the picture...i picked out the best 6 and put them together in a photo collage frame...anyway, when i did it, Emma was like 6 months old or so and i remember thinking and actually saying maybe that i couldn't wait until Emma was walking and i could do a new collage of mommy holding hands with one child while the child held hands with the other child...anyway, i found my first picture like that in recent pics taken at Disney...i asked mike to be on a look out for that shot when we go places and he saw it and captured it...i can't wait to make more memories just like this one....

the difference between right and wrong....

2009-01-29T18:15:00.003-05:00

there was a discussion on the radio this morning where one of the dj's stated that it didn't matter if he had a wife or kids or if was single like he is...the fact remains that what is right and what is wrong is the same no matter what...

it got me to thinking...

is that really true????

now that i have kids there are definitely things i would do to protect my children that i would never in a million years have imagined doing....i'm not saying i would kill for them on any given day, but if someone were hurting MY CHILDREN and the opportunity for me stop it right then and there would be to seriously hurt or kill another human being or let my children continue to be hurt, i would do it in a heartbeat....

now before i had kids, i would have called for help or i would have done my best to intervene and help out another but i would never have put myself in the position where i would do something that is so clearly wrong - hurting/killing someone - had i not had my children....

i guess the question remains - is there a difference between right and wrong when you have kids...because taking another life for whatever reason should be wrong - but when you are a parent and that is your only option you dont see it any other way - it is right....i definitely think your perspective gets skewed when you are soley responsible for another life or two lives or whatever....

being a parent makes all the difference in the world and until you have children of your own, you will never understand that FACT!!!!!

being a parent changes everything...

friendships...

2009-01-27T23:55:00.002-05:00

it is funny how i didn't really think about home (Maine) too much in the recent or distant past...when i left, pretty much all my friends from high school were gone or i had lost touch with them while away at college....so from graduation in 1990 until my 10yr reunion in 2000, i really didn't keep in touch with anyone from home...in the beginning it made me sad...i tried to reach out and reconnect with a few but so much time had passed and it was pretty much too late..well then this little thing called facebook came into my life and voila - instant connections to friends long ago lost...i have found and reconnected with people i wasn't very close to in the end but have really found solace in talking to them again now...and i hope that more friends from school will find their way to face book and we can really plan a proper 20yr reunion for 2010....wow, almost 20yrs ago i graduated high school...scary...at this point in my mom's life i was already 15 and here i am with a 1 year old and a 4 year old...so many of my friends have older kids and some have kids with similar ages as mine...it is just very enlightening to see the paths that we have taken...marriage, children, divorce, moves far far away from Maine, remarriages, amazing jobs/careers....it's just funny how you don't think of people until they re-enter your life and then you truly enjoy getting to know the new them...

Getting to a good place...

2009-01-21T11:51:00.002-05:00

okay so i have tried to lose weight pretty much my whole life...i never remember a time when i was happy or comfortable in my skin...looking back now at photos i realize i was just fine in high school but at the time i always felt like the biggest friend, well i was the biggest friend but my size was average - acceptable so to speak...i just never felt like it because everyone else was so much smaller than me....anyway, what i would give to go back and be happy with my size then since i have gone up up up since...

i'm realizing that the only way to make this change permanent is to take one thing at a time...food, exercise, water, etc...i finally get that it is going to take a long time...no matter what it takes, i'm going to make this change forever...i want to be my "skinny" self...i'm tired of saying it, i'm tired of starting over...there should never be a start over, it should just be a DO....so i'm not going to try anymore, i'm just going to do...
EXERCISE/MOVEMENT
I'm going to incorporate the exercise/movement into my daily life by making the time - gym tuesdays with nick at the daycare/emma at home with daddy, gym thursdays by myself when my mom has the kids, gym saturday with nick at the daycare/emma home with daddy, monday-wednesday-friday try to get in a walk with Brooke or do my wii or treadmill at home, sundays either do some fun playing/running/racing with the kids at the park/playground or do wii or treadmill at home or just skip it and have a day of rest for an awesome job done for the week....
FOOD
just eat balanced meals silly - breakfast from home, pack your lunchbox with healthy things, PLAN dinner and if you feel like snacks, make good choices - fruit, popcorn, lt chips, pretzels, lt ice cream....splurge when i need to but do it in moderation so it doesn't stick to my ass and hips...i can not deprive myself or i will fail again...people who are thin and healthy don't why should i??? they eat pizza or ice cream or all other things we see as bad but they don't eat the whole thing, they have a bite, they have a serving and then they move their asses...be active and eat right and you can be successful at maintaining a healthy weight....
WATER
seriously, why do we find it so hard to drink water??? it is good for us, it tastes good and it makes us pee which is good for getting rid of bad things in our bodies...duhhhh, just do it all right already....
SUPPORT
talk it out with my friends, ask for help with the kids when i need to get my exercise in, plan our meals and stick to it, let the crap go that doesnt help and keep on keeping on...

okay that is my RANT for the day...this is my plan and it can and will work....i'm done saying when i'm there...i'm there....

sleep...

2009-01-19T16:42:00.003-05:00

okay so i went through a bad patch the last two weeks staying up well past 1am sometimes closer or past 2am...this is not going to work for me...even though i dont get up until 730am and it didnt seem to be affecting me before IT IS NOW!!!! i am deadass tired...been to bed before midnight the last 2 nights and hope to continue that trend....i just want to be able to get everything done but i need some sleep to function...it will get done eventually - that's what they say right????
priorities outside of work - kids, exercise, mike, me time, house stuff, other stuff....
i can do it....no worries...

bills, bills, bills....

2009-01-16T11:56:00.002-05:00

Seriously i am sooo glad i have my bills at home under control because with the amount of stress and aggravation i feel everyday at work, i don't think i could handle it at home too...
Can't it just rain money please???
Then i could just have a break and not worry soooo much....

wii & wii fit...

2009-01-15T01:27:00.001-05:00

oh i'm so excited...my new wii & wii fit came today to my office and i set it up after dinner....of course, nick and mike got to play it first but i got to play it last and the longest :)

what fun, i did activity for over 70 min tonight, between stepping and running and hula hooping and balancing and hitting balls with my head and so much more...i'm really happy i decided to get it and now i'm looking forward to using it daily to decrease my weight more and get in shape...when i first did the fit test it said i had a wii fit age of 54 but i did it later after doing some workouts and it registered at 35yrs old which is 1 under so i'm okay with that...it is right near my scale weight and of course my BMI is awful but i'm working on it...anyway, i'm really excited about my new toy...
denise

Journey - Month 1 - January 09

2009-01-13T01:17:00.003-05:00

Today - 1/13/09
1. What I had for lunch today: lean cuisine lasagna and a salad
2. Something I apologized for: not getting something done for my boss - but did i really apologize for that???
3. The last person I thanked: my mother in-law for watching Emma so we could take Nick to the movies Sunday
4. The last movie I watched: the Tale of Despereaux
5. My favorite song right now: bleeding love by leona lewis
6. Where I ate out last: pizza and wings delivery on sat night (sitting in a restaurant was new year's eve, chinese food)
7. What I'm wearing right now: gym pants, sweaty maine tshirt
8. What made me laugh: taking ridiculous pictures of myself in the mirror
9. The last person I spoke to on the phone: my sister, sarah
10. Someone I'm thinking of right now: emma, i hope she stays sleeping

trying new things...

2009-01-10T00:43:00.003-05:00

okay so I'm not sure if it is age or if it is just being with mike, but since i met him i have tried sooo many new foods that i refused to eat before i met him...seriously not only have i tried these things i like them - shrimp that isn't fried and popcorn size, egg rolls, chili, cooked onions and peppers in like fajitas, real salsa, refried beans, black beans and rice...those are just a few that i can think of off the top of my head...it makes me wonder...when will Nick be daring enough to even try mac and cheese or spaghetti or steak or a hot dog or any veggie besides corn.....we are back to only offering the one meal again and he's not eating well again...tonight he had nothing from his plate, didn't even pick up his fork...i gave them both a few crackers before we ate because Emma was screaming her brains out with hunger....he ate those and drank his milk and that is it....Emma on the other hand ate a clementine, pork roast, stuffing, applesauce, corn and green beans plus the few crackers and her milk...she will eat pretty much anything i put in front of her although she did not like the beets and pretty much insisted that mike take them off her tray before she would continue with the other food - silly silly girl....anyway, i just wonder when nick will even just start trying stuff....i can't force him, but I'm not going back to letting him eat whatever he wants...you eat what we are eating or what i make you or you go without anything else.....think it will ever kick in???? god i hope he doesn't wait until he is in his 30's to figure it out...

wasted day...

2009-01-08T23:38:00.001-05:00

another wasted day at work and i wasn't even messing around doing my own thing...finally got with the computer guy around 11 on the phone and he says he wants to take my laptop so that he can work on it while he does other things (cheaper i suppose)...so now i have to back everything i want to save onto my external hard drive and then i feel like i have to have a hard copy too so i do it to DVDs.....that pretty much takes my whole afternoon...i end up moving to Tim's computer and installing quickbooks there so i can do some work...i wanted to leave work by 430 at the latest so i could get a good 2 hrs in at the gym...NOPE, didn't leave till 6 and then had to run and get a new bluetooth....made it to the gym by 650 but got in a good work out in the hour or so i gave myself...then headed off to return nick's broken toy, pick up chinese food, pick up the kids, put them to bed after snuggle time and sit down to eat my chinese takeout with my hubby....IT WAS 10pm when we sat down together to eat...seriously, how do i pack sooo much into one day??? sometimes i wonder how i don't bust at the seams......okay so my day was wasted but i seem to have accomplished quite a bit tonight, including updating my photo blog with 2 pics and updating here...wow, i did good today :)

Computer virus...

2009-01-07T16:39:00.002-05:00

seriously as if my life at work is not complicated enough, i have a friggin virus that i have known about for a few weeks but havent had the time to deal with since it wasnt really affecting my work...okay NOW IT IS AFFECTING my programs...my backup program lost the setup backup, my outlook is not working correctly, my computer lags...i called the IT guy now before i headed out and he is gone for the day - WTF??? so now i have to call tomorrow and who knows how long it will be before they can come out and deal with this shit...i need my computer to do my job...there is soooooo much i have to do before the end of the week....i can't take it anymore.....grrrrrrrrrrrr why are there viruses???? people are sooo stupid that create them...assholes i say, assholes....

work stresses....

2009-01-06T16:09:00.004-05:00

not sure if people see me the same way i think i set out to be....does that make sense?? but i do not hold stress for a very long period of time...if something is bothering me, i usually talk it out and then let it go, mostly, depending on what it really is of course...with that being said, i never really have "complained" about work - well not for the most part...BUT for about a year or so i have really been struggling with my job and how to deal with the stresses of how my boss runs HIS company....i am constantly stealing from peter to pay paul and i just don't know if i can keep doing this...i have worked for my boss for over 8 1/2 years - almost as long as i have been with Mike and it is hard even thinking about going somewhere else, but i don't know how to do my job when i struggle sooo much everyday with what i am doing....cash flow is so low right now, i'm making payments later than they should be made, i'm getting calls from trades asking for money i don't have to pay to them, i was giving my boss money left and right last year for his own personal use and now it is to a point that i have TOLD him, no more, i have no more to give and i am now personally suffering/effected by his frivolous spending to the point that we had to let go my "assistant" and i have more work/responsibilities, i did not get a raise this year, i did not get a christmas bonus like i have every year, and the company is not contributing $ to my health savings account to cover my $3,000 insurance deductible for now anyway....so essentially i am taking a pay cut- getting a demotion so to speak with the extra work and less benefits...it really pisses me off and i just feel resentment towards my boss every time i think about allllll the extra payroll he took last year that should have been available to the company to keep us comfortable for the coming year....instead he lives a fuc*ing palm beach lifestyle when he should be living a west palm beach one....mike and i talk all the time about how we would live our life with the money my boss and his (non-working but on the payroll) wife bring home every week...man we would be in hog heaven....granted the more you make the more you are taxed but come onnnnnnn - seriously - budget - budget - budget....no amount of moving $ around is going to make money that is not there be there......so in closing, i am struggling, because i seriously do not keep this shit with me usually and just don't know how much longer i can hold on....it is wearing my ass down....seriously down....

death of a child....

2009-01-05T02:01:00.002-05:00

my friend kerri's sister lost her son suddenly while john travolta and kelly preston also lost their son over the weekend...

the death of a child has got to be the most devastating event in a parent's life...my heart goes out to all those who have lost a child...i wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy...embrace your children and be thankful for all that you have....life is tooo short to be bogged down by all the bullshit...live and love everyday like it is your last....

update on my positives list from july 08.....

2008-12-31T23:48:00.000-05:00

so here is an update to my positives list created in july 08...

1. 2 Healthy, beautiful children who make me smile EVERY DAY!!!!! - even though we have had a run of the icky flu and now we all have the sniffles/colds...
2. A husband who I know loves me even when we are having hard times - yeah he still loves me and yeah we still have hard times but i feel like we are finally at a point where we might actually be working together to do some repairs....we'll see what the new year brings....
3. A roof over my head that we can afford to live in - still in the same place, love to dream about a bigger home with a nice yard for the kids, but this works just fine so here we are...
4. A job that pays the bills and allows us to have the things we need/want/like - we are still both employed even though both our markets are struggling, mine - construction & mike's - banking/mortgages....we are very lucky to have a paycheck and even though we BOTH get frustrated with the tasks at hand most days we are grateful for the paycheck....
5. Great friends that are there when I need them - my friends are wonderful and i am very thankful i found such a wonderful bunch...
6. Family that will help out in times of trouble or just because - our families are still here willing to help whenever we ask, which is a blessing in itself as it gives mike and i a chance to spend some time together, which we desperately need, without the added expense of a babysitter.....
7. Living in an area that has many fun and different things for me to do with my children, beach, parks, library, playgrounds, movies - no need to travel to do things like when I was growing up - okay so this really is a good thing, i just wish i would spend more time doing the fun things that are in our area, especially with the kids...more beach, park, playground time in 2009....
8. My People magazine subscription - even though I don't get to read it right away like I used to pre 2 kids, I know it is always going to be in my mailbox on Sat or at the latest Mon for when I can get to it - yeah yeah yeah, i'm backed up with people magazines, shoot me - i have like 4 on my nightstand and i'll get to them i promise once we get past our disney trip this weekend...i'll put them in my gym bag for my thurs workouts...
9. Big Brother 10 - it is just fun to just watch as other people make complete asses of themselves for my enjoyment - BB10 is over so it brings me no further joy....survivor was okay and a new one starts in january but they really havent been that great lately....
10. The fact that my husband keeps up with the pictures of my kids and their milestones - more updates to family and friends is the goal for 09 - i am on facebook and hope to get my calendars from shutterfly done for the grandparents the first week of january....
11. Even though I am not at my weight goal yet and I have gotten off track a few times so far this year, I still haven't gone all the way back to my bad habits and ways and "wasted" the work/accomplishments I have achieved this year with my weight. I'm still down almost 18 pounds since Jan and I know if I just persevere and stay on track, I can do this - i'm down 27 lbs since january 08 and continue to shrink now that i am part of a biggest losers club....we have 6 weeks left in the current challenge and if i keep it up, i might win the first pot of $ - over $200 bucks...getting on a schedule for my walks with Brooke and the gym in the new year will help get the job done....
12. I have a very comfortable bed - even my kids sleep well in it when I let them - not in the middle of the night!!! - yup my butter bed is still as comfy as ever...
13. Mike has been helping alot more lately with the kidsy chores and that has been very nice - splitting tub duty and bedtime rituals and getting ready in the am process make life so much easier for me...
14. Getting back to church in order to schedule Emma's christening has given me a better sense of "belonging", not really sure what it means, but I enjoy going to services and I no longer feel like it is a chore or burden on my Sundays - mike and i have made a "committment" to start attending church at least every other week starting in january...there is no reason why i can't get there.....it's important to me and i need to make the time...
15. our new coffee maker - i love the new keurig machine i bought mike for christmas....it is perfect for our needs and i'm so glad i talked myself into getting it...

my list didnt grow too much but i'm still very happy with all the things on my original list..

I'm still guessing no matter how hard things seem sometimes, it does make you feel better to look at all the good in your life and know that things can only get better with time....

another day another post....

2008-12-30T11:06:00.004-05:00

so 2008 is about to end....
emma is sooo busy being a 1 year old with nick sooo busy being a 4 year old....i can not believe how quickly this year flew by....
i feel like i have personally grown this year in many ways...i'm down 27 pounds since january 1st and still working hard at it with my biggest loser group....i'm working on being a better wife and mother with patience and listening to my husband and kids....i'm getting more movement into my day/week by walking with Brooke and/or heading to the gym when i have the time....
there is always a precious need for balance in all that we do on a daily basis, but i think i'm doing okay with it....
i'm looking forward to more changes in 2009 - continue to get the weight off, continue to move my ass and get in shape, continue to spend time with my friends and family, continue to work on being a better wife and mother....i think the best resolutions are ones that can carry forward from year to year and aren't "completed" in a 1 year period - working on things for a lifetime makes them more likely to "stick"
Happy New Year

keeping up...

2008-12-29T23:58:00.000-05:00

okay why is it sooo hard to keep up my blog?? seriously, i can log in for like 5 minutes a day to chit chat about what is going on in our lives, discuss the shows i am watching, talk about the weather??? just random BS that would help me keep a daily "log" if you will of what is current in my life...okay so one resolution for 09 besides the standard eat right, exercise more stuff is to log onto my blogs once a day and type out a post...i am also going to do a 365 days of photos blog like my friend melissa...i will do my best to keep that updated at least once a week of random things i take pics of, i may do the kids or fun things i see in the world around me...it should be a fun project and i want to make the commitment to keep it up....sooooo keep me honest, question me when you dont see new posts and hassle me even if the need arises.....

child safety...

2008-10-07T23:19:00.004-04:00

learned a very important lesson today...
does not matter how smart you think your kids are or how well you think you know what they will or will not do, they will surprise you and not always in the best ways....i will be buying 2 locked boxes to store medicine in because my very smart 4 year old son decided to drink between 1-2 oz of children's motrin this morning....luckily he came to mike and told him right after he did it and there were no side effects based on what poison control told me to look for, but seriously, i never in a million years imagined that he would do that!!!!!!!!!
so now to be safe, i'm going to buy the boxes and all medicine will go in them and we will have to take an extra 10 seconds to unlock a box before giving motrin or tylenol or even get something for ourselves...it is just too big a risk to take.....

Nick's eating update...

2008-09-25T13:08:00.003-04:00

so starting this past monday we have been making one dinner for our family: mommy, daddy, nick and emma - pork chops, chix and another chix....emma has eaten every meal, as has daddy and mommy...first night, nick at the corn on the cob, second night nick ate one bite of corn and licked the cranberry sauce, last night - nothing...not a bite off his plate....tonight luckily for him, (i'm giving him thurs to have chix nuggets) he goes to grammie and grampa's house and they get him chix nuggets from wendy's on the way....emma will have spaghetti with them, which i'm sure she will gladly eat....
the pediatrician at nick's 4 year check told him he had to eat as many bites as he is old...so i'm giving him 4 bites of each thing on his plate...and if he chooses not to eat then he is done for the night, no snacks, no milk, nothing other than water....i figure after 2 weeks the boy will realize i'm not kidding around anymore and just try some stuff that i know he will like......patience and determination are what i have to keep telling myself....sticking with it this time, no more cereal for dinner every night, i'm over it......

PS like i mentioned above, emma is eating everything, off baby food, drinking out of a cup at meals and loving every bit of the whole milk we give her....man that girl can eat....she's in the 25th percentile for weight, let's hope she keeps it that way and stays petite.....

First Day Blues!!!!!

2008-09-25T13:02:00.003-04:00

so my big big girl moved to the Starfish class on her 1st birthday....she was fine while i was sitting on the floor next to her but man, the second i even made a move to get up to go, she busted out crying....my dear husband the family paparazzi, snapped this lovely shot to record the memory of my sweet girl on her first day in her new class....i left her shortly after this and she looked pretty much the same....thankfully over the next 2-3 days it got much better and she is now finishing her 2nd week in there and doing fine, she fusses when i leave in the morning still a bit but nothing like the first few days.....and her activity in the room throughout the day is crazy, she is all over the place finding stuff to do.....what a big big girl she is....

kid's birthdays...

2008-09-23T20:41:00.003-04:00

another year has past...
nick is 4 and emma has turned 1...
holy moly does time fly....

Eating....

2008-08-20T23:49:00.005-04:00

okay so i have one child that is almost 4 and one child that is almost 1....seriously, the 1 year old eats a better variety of food than the 4 year old...we need to pick a day, set a goal and stick to it....Nick will eat what we offer him or he won't eat at all....it is time.....
emma has tried more new foods and actually eaten them in the last month than nick has in the last year.....it is soooo frustrating.....poor girl is having to do all that her brother wouldn't but she will be a better eater because of it....if we don't get it started before nick's 4th bday i would have to say that we will have to do it by his 4 year check with the pediatrician...i think i'm going to have her scare the crap out of him, insist that he has to try new foods....is that a cop out????? regardless, it has to happen....he eats and is healthy but will not try new things, sticks to just the staple foods he has agreed to eat and i'm tired of it, mike is tired of it and i'm sure nick is tired of the same shit every other day.....
OKAY - GOAL
on or before his 4 year check with dr. carillo we will switch to only offering nick the meal that is being cooked - no special meals, no cereal for dinner, no wendy's chix nugget runs except for special treats like thursdays when he goes to grammies house....this is it.....

Emma eating chix tender and celery :)

Mommy's girl....

2008-08-09T00:11:00.002-04:00

Yeah, so what? She's mommy's girl....and I love it.....she is the sweetest baby I know and I am very grateful to have her in my life....

Messes and getting organized....

2008-08-05T23:32:00.002-04:00

okay so mike took this picture of the playroom mid party when everyone was here for emma's baptism gathering......i sent everyone home without having anyone have their kids help clean up....as i sat down amongst all the mess and trust me it was 3 times worse than the pic when it was all said and done...anyway, my point is, am i crazy to want to put everything away myself? am i foolish for not letting the parents have their kids help clean up their mess? or is it really okay that I wanted to do the sorting and putting away so that i only had to do it one time...i have places for all the toys; bins with labels, i put common things together.....so does that make me crazy that i do this????
i think not...i think it is smart to keep order in a playroom as best you can...okay i've answered my own question...no i'm not crazy, i just like things a certain way, nothing wrong with that....

She's getting there.....

2008-07-23T23:33:00.003-04:00

June 28th...and so it starts...she gets up on her knees but doesn't go anywhere but to reach out in front of her...

July 1st...she is officially on the move...crawling....

July 1st...there she goes down the hall after her brother around the corner

July 13th...pulling up on the step

July 13th...standing on her head with feet planted firmly.....

July 23rd...pulling up on the gate when i left her in the hallway to check my email...imagine my surprise when i came back around the corner and this is what i saw....

July 23rd...already trying to climb the gate and she isn't even walking yet....
GOD HELP ME :)

Old Times....

2008-07-23T00:29:00.003-04:00

i've been looking thru old pictures and came across these from our honeymoon in St. Augustine (Nov 2003)...it truly seems like a lifetime ago
it's funny - as i look thru the pics, i notice that i looked really happy....thinking back i remember that i really was happy and dare i say carefree and it showed....
I wish life were always as simple as it is in the beginning.....
not to say that i am not happy now, i'm just remembering a simpler time....hope that makes sense....

Sleeping like a kid...

2008-07-22T16:08:00.003-04:00

Don't you wish it were just this simple????

You're tired and you put your head down and take a nap...
Doesn't matter that you are sitting upright in a carseat
Doesn't matter that you have a plastic clip/buckle under your chin
Man I wish it were just that simple for grownups.....

Positives....

2008-07-21T13:16:00.002-04:00

When I was struggling a while back a friend suggested that although it is not always easy, find positives in my life.....so here I go.....

1. 2 Healthy, beautiful children who make me smile EVERY DAY!!!!!
2. A husband who I know loves me even when we are having hard times
3. A roof over my head that we can afford to live in
4. A job that pays the bills and allows us to have the things we need/want/like
5. Great friends that are there when I need them
6. Family that will help out in times of trouble or just because
7. Living in an area that has many fun and different things for me to do with my children, beach, parks, library, playgrounds, movies - no need to travel to do things like when I was growing up
8. My People magazine subscription - even though I don't get to read it right away like I used to pre 2 kids, I know it is always going to be in my mailbox on Sat or at the latest Mon for when I can get to it
9. Big Brother 10 - it is just fun to just watch as other people make complete asses of themselves for my enjoyment
10. The fact that my husband keeps up with the pictures of my kids and their milestones
11. Even though I am not at my weight goal yet and I have gotten off track a few times so far this year, I still haven't gone all the way back to my bad habits and ways and "wasted" the work/accomplishments I have achieved this year with my weight. I'm still down almost 18 pounds since Jan and I know if I just persevere and stay on track, I can do this
12. I have a very comfortable bed - even my kids sleep well in it when I let them - not in the middle of the night!!!
13. Mike has been helping alot more lately with the kidsy chores and that has been very nice
14. Getting back to church in order to schedule Emma's christening has given me a better sense of "belonging", not really sure what it means, but I enjoy going to services and I no longer feel like it is a chore or burden on my Sundays

this list will continue to grow, but for now it really is quite "complete" - so I guess no matter how hard things seem sometimes, it does make you feel better to look at all the good in your life and know that things can only get better with time....

delinquent posting....

2008-07-21T12:46:00.005-04:00

yeah yeah yeah, i'm guilty....i haven't kept up this blog or my food/activity blog for a few weeks....
i swear i wonder every day where does the time go????
i've been pretty busy at work lately hoping i can get caught up a bit so i don't feel so behind everyday....busy planning parties for emma's baptism, nick's birthday, emma's birthday, spa/body shop party....lots and lots going on every week i swear i don't know when life will slow down.....
stupid bone head move this past weekend - of course on the computer late, just wanted to do ONE more thing.....trying to delete 1 picture associated with 1 contact and i ended up deleting my entire address book in my palm program - no big deal right???? just sync with your phone right??? okay smartass so why when i did the sync did it make the 0 contacts in my palm program now 0 contacts in my phone????????
stupid thing wiped out all my contacts from my phone and my palm program and then i freaked out and instead of hitting UNDO last i closed the program and when i reopened it that option was now gone!!!!!!!!!
so needless to say, now i have spent a bit of time trying to remember all that was in my phone and then i will have to add it all back into my palm program to sync with my phone...YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH how much fun is that.....

Nick does love his baby sister....

2008-07-08T23:22:00.004-04:00

I took the kids to the playground and the park after school on monday.....i put emma on my sling (left my "car" blanket in the garage) while nick and i kicked the ball back and forth and chased each other around...she sat there happy as can be watching us play...wanting to be in the mix of it of course....snapped this picture when we took a break for mommy to take pictures of her wonderful kiddos...seriously, he just loves her - hope it stays that way...

Emma's First Shoes

2008-07-03T12:04:00.003-04:00

So my girl has her first pair of shoes....it was weird going into Striderite and not buying sneakers like i have soooo many times before for Nick

She's Crawling...

2008-07-01T00:09:00.005-04:00

man on man we are in trouble now...emma started crawling on saturday...she would scootch around before - if i put her on the floor she never stayed in the same place but didn't actually crawl to get around....now she is crawling - on all fours....put her down, put something in front of her she just might want, and boom - she is off....it is very funny to watch....better keep an eye out for my stuff that might be too low, i imagine she'll be getting into nick's stuff soon enough....

Trying times...

2008-06-26T13:06:00.004-04:00

why do we have to go through so many trying times in life in order to enjoy the good stuff?
why does it seem like there are so many more hard times than easy ones?

honestly i feel like some people, in particular me, are just tested too much, beyond what they should be expected to handle....sometimes i just feel like i can not catch a break....i want to be happy and enjoy my life, my kids, my marriage, my friends, my job, my family, but sometimes it seems like there is just too much struggle in the way....it seems like when one thing gets settled and back on even keel, another cart tips over and you have a million more pieces to pick back up before you can get back on level ground again....kids, family, work will be good but then marriage is not...then marriage seems good and the kids and work are causing you grief....or work and kids and friends are good but then marriage sucks....sometimes i just feel like i can not get my head above water and i just don't know what else to do but just float along and take care of what i can and let the other stuff sink.....but then the other stuff could be gone forever at the bottom of a very deep ocean.....lots of pondering today, really want to get out of the rut that i am in and hope that my appt tonight will help, maybe working on myself and learning to accept things i can not change will make me better and help rectify my damaged relationship....just when you think you are better you are tested!!!!!!!!!!!! over and over again - seriously stupid vicious cycle....

Feeling good....

2008-06-25T11:12:00.002-04:00

okay so i have been back on track for almost 2 weeks now with my eating being in control....last week i had a good loss and by my scale at home so far this week it looks like i'm on the way to another good loss this week too....soooo, i know i can do this...i have not been exercising, too many other things are getting in the way - my sister and i talked today and were like "really, seriously we can not carve 1 hour out of the 24 in a day to spend on ourselves??" that is just pathetic....sooo with that being said, i am going to commit to getting up early 3 days a week after going to bed at 10pm or earlier and hitting the gym....i can get there and be back home by the time the kids get up or very close there after and there is no reason why mike can't be with them for a bit while i get my thing done....i know the exercise will just advance my weight loss that much quicker and easier...

okay so - 3 days a week to bed by 10 and up the next day by 5 to get to the gym by 530 - i can do this - i must do this...

Nick, the greatest big brother...

2008-06-22T03:47:00.007-04:00

no matter what is going on in my son's life with school or behavior or whatever, at this point right now in his life, i know he is a great big brother - he loves his sister and does his damnedest to show it every day....
proof positive below :)

lounging in the backyard - February 23rd

loving at "jackie's" house - May 10th

Palm Beach Zoo - May 26th

playground for father's day - June 15th

mother's day and father's day...

2008-06-21T00:16:00.008-04:00

This year i think we did some pretty fun things with the kids on mother's and father's day......

For mother's day we went to lake worth beach in the evening with the kids and i think i would like to make this a tradition on my special day each year....

For father's day we went to the playground in palm beach gardens by my in laws house....

both days were very fun family days and i look forward to many more of these in the future...things on both mother's and father's day with the kids...

Time management - men versus women!!!

2008-06-17T09:32:00.004-04:00

it's funny how people see time differently, well i guess i should just be honest and say men and women

my husband and i continue to have a serious bone of contention between us when it comes to the use of time....he accuses me of thinking things take just mere minutes to complete when in his opinion they actually could take hours while i on the other hand get annoyed by his negative view of how long things can take to get done....we constantly differ on this idea...
i think if you just do something and get it done it can be done quickly where as in MY opinion he takes his time, takes breaks and comes back to finish stuff more leisurely.....

case in point...he has been working on our office upstairs - doing a great job, stripping 20 year old wallpaper, patching and priming the walls, scrapping popcorn off and adding a nice texturized affect to the ceiling.....all very laborous and time consuming work, so i offered while he is away doing his training in Chicago to paint the walls the selected color and he could do the ceiling cutting in up on the ladder when he returns.....

last night i started at 9pm after working all day, dinner, tubs and 2 kids to bed....i was cleaning up by 1005pm and had close to 2/3-3/4 of the walls painted the first coat - SERIOUSLY - 1 hour later, i had accomplished so much - just like i knew i could, just like i always do!!!!! oh and to top it off, i had to interupt my groove to move a 16 foot ladder downstairs to the garage that was parked in the room i was trying to paint - and put a 6 foot ladder under my bed so i could work in the room more easily....

it peeves me and please don't get me wrong, i love mike and appreciate all his hard work and all that he does around the house, but things DO NOT take as long as he thinks they do because soooo many times he drags his ass and doesn't just DO IT!!!!

tonight the plan is as follows, after working all day, dinner, tub and 2 kids to bed - move the computer table and filing cabinet out into the room and finish the first coat on the only part i didn't get to last night - move onto the 2nd coat on the other walls and maybe by the time i'm done the first coat will be dry on the little section i am starting on and i can get that done with the 2nd coat...

then thurs night after jenny craig and nail appt and getting the kids to bed, i'll do the bottom above the baseboard and tape off the carpet to do the baseboards on friday....i should in all actuality be able to paint the entire room less the top edge near the ceiling before he returns on monday so that all he has to do is finish the top and touch up over the 2 spots i put blue on the ceiling....and i know he will appreciate my hard work like i appreciate his....

okay so the point to my rant is that it does just take 20 minutes to do most things :) This is what my husband says i think and he is right, if you just put your mind to it, it can get done in close to 20 minutes....

back on track...

2008-06-16T07:41:00.002-04:00

with mike away i'm going to try to catch up on some of my stuff and get back on track....
goals
1. pics of kids off cameras into computer and burned on dvds for safe keeping
2. edit, upload a few to share and print
3. paint the office the nice icey blue we chose
4. eat right, exercise at least 3 days - loss at JC on thurs please
5. blog at least 3 times a week, especially when i have the pics in the computer...
okay so those are my goals....
oh and about nick and starving and keeping the light off at bedtime...i have the 2nd one taken care of, i started last thurs night with the light switched off and told him the bulb was dead and i needed to go to the store to get another one...it's been 4 nights and we haven't had an issue...now i just need to hold out on using that light for a bit and i think we are in the clear.....

the ups and downs of motherhood....

2008-05-20T14:55:00.002-04:00

i know i have said it before and i'll probably say it again, but being a mother is sooooo hard...one minute everything is just fine and then you have 1 sick kid and another one causing troubles at school....

emma has the yuckies again with goopy eyes and yucky nose and a very rattly cough that is a little bit in her chest but as of right now no ear infection....let's hope it clear up on its own this time and we can avoid giving her the antiobiotic....
nick was doing great at school - less hitting/pushing/etc and much better behavior at home - listening and following directions....now yesterday he pushed another child into part of the playground structure and the little boy had to have a tooth pulled because it went up into his gums and may have to have another one pulled too if it doesn't go back to normal on its own - luckily they are baby teeth, but seriously....i don't want my kid hurting another child, even by accident....i think it is time to have him evaluated to see what is up, if he is ADD or ADHD or whatever other letter combo might fit him...i don't want to medicate but if i can gain insight into what he is doing and why than that has to be helpful, right??????

i don't know what else to do at this point.....get help and figure it out from there i guess....

Water Boy....

2008-04-30T23:34:00.001-04:00

Even from the start my kid was a water baby...give the boy a hose and he is good forever....

It is time....

2008-04-30T09:40:00.007-04:00

i have made the ever great step of making an appt to see a family therapist to work on my communication skills particularly with my husband....i have to say that making this appt was the single hardest thing i have ever had to do in regards to my married life.....i truly want to gain insight into the "proper" way to communicate with my husband.....i love mike and want to spend the rest of my life with him and it hurts me very much that we don't talk to each other successfully......it is my greatest struggle, amazingly since mike and i met talking over the computer and on the phone for over a month before we actually met in person....but i guess things change with the added stresses of work, kids, money, life in general and cracks begin to form that will either break us apart or be repaired by this help i am seeking.....

the love and respect that i felt for mike on this day is where i want to be right now and for the future.....

Disney Trip w/the Martinez kids and Jenni

2008-04-24T00:37:00.003-04:00

Jenni has been bitching at me since we started going to Disney with Nick in 2006 how she wanted to go with us, so we finally did it this month. Mike and I took our kids up to Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom while Jenni was on spring break in Kissemme at a time share with her 4 kids...Here is a picture of the kids outside the Dinosaur ride Nick had to go on but ended up hiding his face in my body the entire ride, missing the big finally when the TREX jumps out at us....

needless to say I ended up buying him a "treat" because I was so afraid I traumatized the boy by letting him go on this freakin scary ride....

summer plans...

2008-04-21T11:08:00.003-04:00

We are stuck between a rock and a hard place in regards to our summer vacation this year. We have gotten into the "habit" of going home to Maine every summer/fall since Mike and I have been together and now that we have kids it is expected that of course we will continue to come. I am seriously thinking about not going this summer. I really want to see my dad's family in Boothbay but do I really want to make an 1800 mile trip to the same town I have been visiting for the last 7 year? Isn't it time for something different? Is it fair for everyone to expect me to come to them and not get a chance to see other places with my husband and kids?

Now this summer is a bit different in that my mom's family will be holding a memorial service for my aunt that just passed away this spring and of course I would like to attend and show my support but I did do all the family/celebrating her life stuff here in Florida when she passed. So do I really need to go home for this too? Part of me says yes and the other part is like no way man, I did my part already. I am so torn....plus if we don't go for that then we won't go to see my dad and family like we always have in the past.

I'm sure they will all be pissed but it is really going to be a huge expense. 4 plane tickets, a car rental and this year we would rather stay on our own than bunk at my dad's so that is going to cost us too....They don't understand that we need our space - they just know that they want us to come and offer us whatever we need in regards to cars, sleeping areas, etc....

It's just not that simple.... FOR THE PLANE ALONE - 2 car seats, double stroller, diaper bag/backpack w/supplies, toys, movies, portable DVD player - plus juggling an active very independent almost 4 yr old and a very excitable 9 month old.....

I just don't know what to do - Mike and I have talked about taking a vacation a bit closer to home so we could drive and then just rent a cabin or beach house - be leisurely, do new things, see new places.....

WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO???

Even crabby faced i can't help but love him...

2008-04-17T00:04:00.003-04:00

Crabby Christmas morning about something - who
the hell knows what....

Crabby making Easter eggs on Easter Sunday - getting tired
of the paparazzi constantly snapping his picture i think

Making the same crabby face at Omi and Opa's - Got caught
doing something he wasn't supposed to - I think?????

sweetest things....

2008-04-16T01:17:00.002-04:00

nick has been waking up in the middle of the night crying out for me/us again...when i go to comfort him i usually take him to go pee since he is potty trained but wears a pullup at night...besides having "bad" dreams i also thinks he wakes up because he has to go pee....
well i was just finishing up on the computer when i heard him start to stir - having a dream or something - said something like help me i think but he wasn't crying so i left him alone - when i got off the computer i decided to take him to the bathroom before going to bed just to see if maybe by me getting him to empty his bladder he might sleep the rest of the night - wishful thinking i know....
anyway, i just took him to pee and he did while still pretty much sleeping - i carried him back to his bed and laid him up on his pillow, covered him with his sheet and blanket, gave him his 2 star bears and a kiss and started to walk out of the room - i was like YES i did it - potty and back to bed without conversation maybe i can go to sleep now until my alarm goes off....as i'm walking out of the room he says in his little sleepy voice, "mommy?" and i was like ohhhhhhhh shit now what, i just want to go to bed....i said, "what honey?" and he said, "i love you" - i know, ohhhhhhhhh, he really is a very sweet boy...anyway that's my story...

Words....amazing how much meaning they have...

2008-04-16T01:00:00.003-04:00

Man doesn't it suck when you are just trying to simplify life and clean stuff up and you come across something that just takes you by surprise???

“YOU GO GIRL ................I LOVE YOUR SPUNK GOOD LUCK WISH I HAD DONE IT LONG AGO YOU HAVE THE CHANCE STILL TIME I LOVE YOU CALL ON YOUR NIGHT OUT IF MOM IS BUSY AND WE ARE FREE WE CAN COME AND WATCH THE KIDS..AS DR. PHIL SAYS THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR KIDS IS TO TAKE CARE OF THE PARENTS LOVE JOANN”

this was my auntie jo’s response to my 2008 resolutions/goals that I sent out to everyone…..just goes to show even when you lose someone they are always there somehow…her words gave me more encouragement to continue on this path to make a change in my life for my health and for my kids.....

i swear i have gorgeous kids....i really do...

2008-04-14T21:30:00.010-04:00

They really are gorgeous...I marvel at the wonder of my kids every time I see them....How lucky are we that Mike and I have such happy, healthy, well rounded kids.....This is the greatest thing I have ever done in my life and I honestly don't expect anything greater....

Him and Her - Mike and Denise

2008-04-13T23:50:00.005-04:00

What's his name? Mike.

How long have you been together? Met April 2000, Married Nov 1, 2003 - Can't believe it has been almost 8 years now.

How long did you date before moving in together? Ummm like a day.

How old is he? 39 (the big 40 this summer).

Who eats more? I think him in one sitting, but I eat more spread out over the course of the day.

Who said I love you first? I don't remember but I think I did.

Who is taller? him, by about 8-9 inches

Who is smarter? Both - him about history and boring crap like that and me about money and other lifey stuff.

Who does laundry? We both do our part - he brings down, sorts, washes, dries and brings back up - I fold and put away

Who does the dishes? We both do our share of loading and unloading the dishwasher - I'm sure he would say he does it more but I think it is pretty even

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? If you are looking at the bed from the footboard - I'm on the Left and Mike is on the Right - even when we go away.

Who pays the bills? MEEEEEE

Who mows the lawn? The lawn service for our development

Who cooks dinner? I started off cooking more then when I went on Jenny Craig, Mike took over for himself and now I think we are at about 50/50 with me making Mr. Foods dinners and Mike grilling for us.

Who drives when you are together? Mike usually drive, I don't even offer anymore really - except this past weekend when we were coming home from Orlando - I can't remember the last time I drove all of us.

Who is more stubborn? I think it is a split. We each have our moments of not giving in.

Who kissed who first? I think we both just went in for the kiss while walking along Flagler Drive on our first date after I took his hand in the car on the way from the restaurant.

Who asked out who first? I don't know...I think we just made the decision to have our first date after talking on the phone for over a month.

Who proposed? We talked a lot about marriage and already owned a home when in April 2003 we decided to get married. He actually gave me my ring and "proposed" on one knee in gardens at the Mai Kai in Fort Lauderdale in August 2003.

Who has more siblings Me: 2 half brothers, 1 stepsister, 1 stepbrother - him: 1 brother

Who wears the pants in the family? We share although I'm sure he would say I'm more controlling. We make big decisions together.

I love.........

2008-04-04T16:36:00.002-04:00

i love the smell of: crispy fresh fall air
i love the sound of: trickling water
i love the taste of: warm apple crisp ala mode
i love the sight of: my children's smiling faces
i love the feel of: fleece stuffed animals

Insight into ME

2008-04-03T12:35:00.004-04:00

I found this on a friend's blog - Thanks Melissa....
Insight into ME

A=Available...not since april 2000 - married since nov 2003.
B=Best Friend...many great best friends and a really great sister i think of more as a friend.
C= Cake or pie...toss up - i like both but not a huge sweets/dessert fan so i could pass on both.
D= Drink of choice...diet coke with lemon.
E= Essential item you use everyday...my new centro palm phone/pda - love it.
F= Favorite color...i like blue and green, look good in pink and red so i like those too.
G= girlie girls...i'm not really a girlie girl - i don't do makeup and just started blowing my hair dry every morning in a super long time - maybe when Emma gets older i'll get a bit more girlie.
H= Hometown...Ellsworth, ME.
I= Indulgences...big DIET COKE (CARBONATED BEVERAGE) .
J= January or February...either or no preference.
K= Kids and Names..Nicholas Michael and Emma Grace.
L= Life is incomplete without...my children.
M= Marriage date...November 1, 2003.
N=Number of siblings...officially none :) but i have 2 half brothers, 1 step sister, 1 step brother and i had an exchange student sister when i was in high school and we are still close and consider each other sisters.
O= Oranges or apples...fuji apples usually, but recently i have been loving clementines (my sister turned me onto them-addictive really).
P= Phobias or Fears...honestly don't think i really have any - i don't care for the DARK DARK.
Q= Favorite Quote... "live well, laugh often, love much".
R= Reason to smile...My kids' laughter - great joke.
S= Season...Fall without a doubt - the biggest thing i miss from the north.
T= Truth or dare...i think i would choose truth - really don't have much to hide.
U= Unknown fact about me...i was a virgin until i met my husband.
V= Vegetable you don’t like...brussel spouts...don't think i have ever eaten them but i don't want to.
W= Worst habit...picking my hang nails but now i have my acrylics back on it isn't a problem anymore.
X= X-rays...this week or ever? not this week but definitely in my past - lots of sprained ankles growing up.
Y= Your favorite food...pizza.
Z= Zodiac Sign...Libra (October 13th)

day #2 of better eating...

2008-04-01T11:33:00.002-04:00

man this is getting tiring - starting over on good eating...
why can't this be just something that i do anyway? why does it have to be such a friggin struggle?????
yesterday was good, no extra snacking, no bad choices, stayed on plan with my food....today has started off well and my plan is to continue on track again....
i guess i have to get to the point where eating "right" isn't a choice but more of just what i do....talking to Kim at JC last week was kinda enlightening, i have never just eaten to be right where i am - i have never been at a goal where i could start maintaining my weight - that is laughable because i have always eaten to lose or just eaten because i didnt care where i was or actually because i was just being where i was (not happily - more defeated really)

being a better person by making good choices with what i put in my mouth will honestly be a struggle i think i will have to make for the rest of my life - even when i get to my goal (and i am saying WHEN, even though i often feel IF!!)

i will still have to continue to be on guard with everything - won't I??? will it eventually just get to the point where i just know what to eat and what not to eat to keep me where i want to be????? i suppose that is the ultimate goal - knowing and doing are TWO very different things....i know i need to do this - so i guess i'll just DO IT!!!!

end of another month in 2008...

2008-03-31T10:51:00.003-04:00

seriously where does the time go??? it is already the end of March 2008....emma is 6 1/2 months old and nick is 3 1/2....what the heck?????how did this happen????doesn't it seem like the time goes by more quickly when we get older????i think it does - or at least it seems that way....just makes me realize i need to enjoy every moment i have with my friends, my family, my kids and my husband...

jenny craig 2008

2008-01-03T23:51:00.000-05:00

starting over....going to do well....

jan 2, 2008 - day # 2 of my new year...

2008-01-02T21:12:00.000-05:00

so day number 2 under my belt...i ate well, spaced my meals/snacks out throughout the day and walked on the treadmill for 16 minutes....feel good - made an appt with kim at jenny craig for tomorrow night to get my schedule and menu figured out...
i'm on my way...

starting over....2008

2008-01-01T18:50:00.000-05:00

okay so it's a new year - i want to make better choices this year

2008 resolutions.....
1. lose weight/get in better shape - eat better by following jenny craig and more balanced/portion controlled meals, exercise and positive thinking (goal of 53.8lbs gone by dec 31, 08)
2. have more patience with nick and mike - talk more - yell less - less angry mom/wife voice
3. spend more time with my extended family - plan monthly get togethers (meal, games, just chatting and catching up)
4. do family outings with the kids at least twice a month - new and old things - lion country, palm beach zoo, children's museum, miami aquarium, metro zoo, movies, playground, etc....
5. monthly night out with my husband - dinner or a movie or a museum or a play or a comedy show or walk on the beach with picnic or drive up A1A - no kids - no talk of kids - just mike and I
6. get my house in order so i can get a cleaning person to come on a regular basis
7. get nick to at least try something other than chix nuggets, pizza, cereal and pb and fluff sandwiches for lunch and dinner

think that about covers it - i think all my "resolutions" are completely doable....let's get this new year going - i'm ready

mommy frustrations....

2007-11-13T00:27:00.000-05:00

okay so here it goes....we finally "conquered" bedtime with nick and he starts getting up in the middle of the night like 3 and 4 times...i have a 2 month old that will sleep thru the night straight for more than 6-7 hours but my 3 year old wakes up every 2 hours or so calling out for me, crying mommy/daddy and/or coming into my room to put him back to bed....i finally resorted to buying a lock for the outside of his door tonight...i took him to home depot with me to pick it up and warned him if he didn't stay in bed tonight i would be putting the lock on his door for tomorrow night....i have been struggling with this concept for over a month....we went to the pediatrician for his 3 yr old check and she told us to lock him in his room to rectify his sleeping/nighttime issues...we just couldn't bring ourselves to do it...it just seemed soooo extreme, but i swear to god tonight i have just about had it....tonight after talking to him, warning him about the lock, reminding him about the reward toy we bought for him if he stays in bed for 5 nights - he still woke up at 1115ish and got out of bed crying hysterically for mommy or daddy....we were both downstairs - i was watching tv and mike was asleep on the couch...i called up we are right here go back to bed...he still cried hysterically for us - mike came up and went right to our bedroom and bypassed his room....i gave him 15 more minutes of crying and i came up and spoke very sternly and told him that he needed to get back into bed that he knew the rules and now mommy had to lock his door tomorrow cause he did not stay in bed....i closed his door and held it closed for like 90 seconds and he went wild - screaming and banging on the door but not as bad as i thought it would be or that i remembered from when i did it before....after the time passed - i went back in and told him in no uncertain terms that it was bedtime, that he needed to go to sleep and that we were not going to keep doing this...that tomorrow the lock was going to be put on his door until he could show me he can stay in his bed and go to sleep.....he kept trying to get me to talk to him, saying mommy mommy mommy to get my attention but i ignored him and continued my stern speech and then walked out the door leaving it open this time when i left...he moaned and whined a bit but fell asleep about 20-30 min later.....it is now 1230am and he is asleep, has been for about 35min or so...i checked on him and he is very sweaty, but sleeping in his bed...i hate that i have to put fear in him to do what i want but i have no idea what else to do....it honestly feels like we have tried everything...i have offered rewards, i have threatened punishment - so now i guess it is time to start punishing him by locking the door...hopefully it will pass and we can just put him to bed and he will stay there because he knows he should and needs to not because he is afraid of being locked in his room....
god please give me the strength to make it through this hell.....because i swear being a mother is the hardest thing i have ever had to do....

Pumpkin patch....Nick just keeps growing....

2007-11-03T21:30:00.000-04:00

My how he has grown....

2005

2006

2007

Emma Grace Keeley 9/15/07

2007-09-21T04:57:00.003-04:00

Emma Grace Keeley born 9/15/07 1154am after my water broke at 5am….

7lbs 7oz and 19 inches long – light brown hair and slate blue eyes for now…..

We have been home since Monday afternoon – adjusting to life with a newborn and a 3 year old…..she developed little bit of jaundice before we left the hospital but after her numbers started going up they started coming back down again….eating, pooping and some natural indirect sunlight should cure it before we go to the dr again for her 2 week ck….

Here are a few pics from her first days of life at the hospital…

Enjoy,

Denise, Mike, Nick and Emma

Nick's 3rd Birthday Party

2007-09-12T00:19:00.001-04:00

So we had Nick's 3rd birthday party early to avoid any interruptions from Baby Girl Keeley. We had friends from school, friends from our play group, cousins and many other family members and family friends join us for a T-Rex pool/pizza party at our community pool on Sat 9/8 in the evening. It was just late enough that we had some sun, but early enough to avoid the dark and bugs. We had swimming, pizza, T-Rex cake and a T-Rex pinata. Looks like he enjoyed himself to me. After everyone went home, we settled in at our house to open presents and start with the playing. He loved everything he received especially the dinosaurs, trains and games. It amazes me that almost 3 years have past since my water broke early and he came into our lives.
And who would believe that just 2 days after his birthday this year we will be celebrating the birth of our second child - a daughter. Amazing how time flies and life changes when you are just too busy to notice. Hope you enjoy the pictures.
Love,
Denise, Mike, Nick and Baby Girl Keeley

new/old way to go to sleep

2007-08-08T22:20:00.001-04:00

Okay so we tried the stay in bed technique for 7 days with a bit of success but have still not mastered it….so mike and I decided after I talked to kara last night after a very stressful bedtime that maybe we should move back to something that we have tried in the past with success…..like I said earlier today, my main goal is to get nick to go to sleep without us sleeping/laying down with him in his bed….so for now, we are going back to the sitting in his room not interacting with him and will eventually move our way out the door as the nights go by until we are completely out of the room in the hall for a few nights and then we should be able to just put him to bed and he will trust that we are still there and go to sleep without even thinking about us being in the hall behind the closed door….

Anyway, long story short, I brought nick home from my mom’s house around 915 and we read 2 books, checked out the new beta fish we bought and put in his room and then said our goodnights…I told him I would be sitting in the chair in his room and we gave hugs and kisses and he laid down in his bed…I no more than read like 2-3 pages in my book by the dim light and I heard him breathing heavy….i got up under the pretense to check on the fish and peaked at the little bugger, he was asleep….i swear it was no more than 5 minutes and I think he was asleep before I even got up to check him from the way he was breathing…now it may have been cause it was later and he is tired, but I have to think that it is easier for him to fall asleep when he is not stressed out thinking about us leaving him in his room alone…..so tomorrow night daddy will do the same thing and we will continue on this way until we get the results we are looking for in the end…..just wanted to share and now I am off to watch some tv with my hubby and maybe get to bed before 11….

night #7-you would think this would be short and sweet, right?

2007-08-07T21:30:00.001-04:00

847 in bed after bedtime routine....shot right out, pretty much chasing me down the hallway.....mommy mommy mommy come snuggle with me....back and forth to bed four times or so.....now it is daddy's turn...back and forth a few more times....

851 out at least 3 more times....

854 out again - runs back to his room as soon as i can turn around in my chair to go put him back....

855 kiss and hugs with no words after putting him back for the 15th time at least....

857 out again crying in the hall

858 daddy's turn - how nice we are both doing the work tonight....

900 crying in the hall calling to me - back and forth about 5 times....daddy's turn again...

904 out again after daddy tucked him in and everything....

905 daddy is taking another turn.....out and back in bed 3 times before i get down the hall to his room...

908 hugs and kisses and recovering again - "that is enough, you need to go get up on your pillow and go to sleep"

909 daddy's turn - in there a bit long

911 back to bed again...wow doesn't seem to be giving up easy tonight....

912 when i put him back in bed this time and the next few times i closed his door a bit and he repeatedly got out to open it all the way and demand that it stay open

915 went to lay down on my bed to take a break and let mike take over for a bit....he stayed in there too long - i came out to check out the situation and it turns out mike was standing outside nick's door in the hall....i reminded that is not the way we are doing it this time....he needs to go to sleep on his own without us at his door or in his room or sitting in his chair....nick did stay in bed though....

928 nick crying hard from his bed.....i should have gone in sooner to praise him for staying in bed but i waited too long and now he is out again.....repeatedly - hysterically crying uncontrollably, almost gasping for air he is so worked up....

930 crying in the hall....I'm going to let him for a minute or so....he was doing soooo good was in bed for almost 10 minutes crying but in bed.....but then he just got out again....what the hell is going on...he is crying like he is dying...

945 decide it is time to close his door all the way and hold it shut....yeah not my best idea but i want him to know I'm not playing around....we should be getting better each night not slipping backwards...well, that just made him more hysterical and he got all worked up....mike is again thinking this whole thing is never going to work - and expressing his unwanted opinion at the wrong time....saying there is something wrong with nick - he needs to see the Dr cause this is not normal - i remind him the first night took almost 2 hours with continuous crying and in and out of bed.....he has chosen to forget my first night of hell.....well anyway i stopped the closing the door trick cause it was making this situation way more tense....meanwhile mike and i are arguing/disagreeing that this will eventually work tonight...so our arguing loudly is not helping the craziness of the situation....mike can't believe it has been going on for over an hour, i correct him that it has been just under an hour and also remind him the first night was almost 2hrs, second just under an hour, third just under an hour, fourth just over half an hour, fifth was about 45 minutes, and last night was a half an hour....so tonight we had a setback, i could have dealt with it much better and under more controlled circumstances had my partner kept it together and i wasn't already tired from being up with nick all last night, after a "great" bedtime....

1005 i hear nick tooting/gassy as he gets into bed this time....when he gets out again i go outside the gate and sit on the stairs...he goes towards our bedroom door which is open but sits on the floor against the wall and looks like he is trying to poop....so i put him on his potty as he has not gone today or yesterday i don't think.....nothing happens but he has a chance to calm down while sitting there which is good for all involved....new diaper, hug and back to bed....seems as though he may be staying in this time...crying softly so i call to daddy for one last kiss/hug and he goes begrudgingly....

1018 daddy gives final kiss and hug - nick is winding down now....
1020 mommy went in for final kiss and hug and he is asleep by 1024....1 hour and 37 min give or take...still better than the first night but definitely a step back...i will be calling the pediatrician tomorrow just to check in....this is now been a week and we are better but not there yet and i want to make sure there is not anything we are missing....

night #6 - the end is definitely near

2007-08-06T21:40:00.000-04:00

918 after bath, jammies, teeth, playing with new toys, daddy reading nick books - it is time for hugs/kisses and goodnights....mommy lays down with nick for a few minutes to chit chat about tomorrow and then leaves so nick can go to sleep on his own....asks me to turn the bathroom light on - i oblige....
five times out of bed - the fourth time i turn the bathroom light back off and remind him it will not come on unless he stays in bed....
five more times out of bed - 9th time i turn the light back on - 10th time more hugs & kisses from mommy and a final reminder to stay in bed...
out of bed one more time - daddy's turn to put him back....

927 crying from his bed, but not coming out
928 mike back in to see what he wants as he is calling to us about something - wants the fan on...
929 calling for mommy and daddy but staying in bed
931 still calling for mommy - mommy praises and gives a kiss for staying in bed
933 quietly calling for mommy from BED
935 calling for daddy now but from BED - daddy checks him one last time we hope
938 he is quiet, might he have fallen asleep????
939 a very weak mommy call but still from bed
945 mommy goes to check him and he rolls over and opens his eyes but closes them as soon as he sees me...kiss on forehead and i think we are done for the night - thank you very much....under 30 minutes tonight.....and only 9 minutes of out and back to bed.....we are definitely winning this battle and it is very nice that my husband has come on board to support my "MISSION"

night #5

2007-08-05T23:08:00.000-04:00

okay so tonight we started just after 9 after jammies, books, snuggles, chit chat, kisses and hugs.....from 905 till about 918 nick might have been out of bed about 7 times....we had a "discussion" about the bathroom light being on if he stayed in bed.....i turned it off when he got out of bed again...did not make him happy......mike went in to "check" him and turned the bathroom light on again and reminded him to stay in bed....he stayed in bed....mike and i were switching off on going in to praise the staying in bed

924 been in bed for almost 10 minutes, still crying out for mommy and/or daddy but not getting out of bed, will sit up to wait for us to come "check" him but not getting out.....mommy went to check him and gave kisses and said good job, stay in bed and daddy will come to check you before you fall asleep....

934 daddy checked him one last time after his shower and he was still in bed quietly calling to me when he left but saying in bed....

941 still calling out quietly but getting soooo much weaker - sitting up in the bed waiting to be checked....

950 been quiet for a few minutes - let's go check him for the last time tonight???? yeah he is asleep....he only got out of bed a handful of times and stayed in his bed the last 35 minutes or so he was in his bed, just calling out to us - BUT STAYED IN BED......mike was a big help tonight and i really think he actually got the idea that NICK is a huge manipulator because the second he would walk in the room to check him nick would have a big smile on his face replacing the plea for mommy or daddy to come to his room.....he thought it was quite comical actually but little does he know i have been laying the groundwork for this for 4 nights already....so tomorrow or Tuesday should be the last few nights we have to put him back to bed, i think we may have to do the checking in thing when he stays in bed, but i think that will diminish quickly as well....

night #4

2007-08-04T21:25:00.001-04:00

830....nick was at grammie's today for 6 hours and didn't get a nap, so we decided bedtime would be a bit earlier tonight....bath, jammies, forgot the teeth, instead of books we watched one 1/2hr show in the family room....hugs and kisses and then off to bed...did not start well, he wanted books, couldn't remember that we did movie instead of books - oh this is totally my fault, i did not follow my routine and now we are going to pay......i tried to start this night on my own and i just can do it...my BP has been up and down since yesterday and luckily my ankle swelling from yesterday and into last night has gone down, but i am starting to worry about my BP going up and down so i quit tonight....i just walked off to my room and closed the door the first time he got out of bed.....i cant do this alone and i gave up.....but of course while i'm laying in bed taking my blood pressure i hear mike take over, get nick, put him back to bed and get angry and start yelling about what is the matter? why wont you stay in bed? i cant take this anymore.....this is not the way to do this.....i end up getting up and taking back over cause it will mess up the process if we do it differently than the last 3 nights.....

845....nick has been out of bed twice since i sent mike away and sat on nick's bedroom floor to calm him down with hugs and kisses and snuggles.....now i am letting him stand in the hall crying for a few seconds before i send him back to bed each time.....maybe he will get tired more quickly....of course that isn't working anyway, just like this whole fu*king technique is not working.....i can not keep doing this.....

852...nick is asking me to turn the bathroom light on and i have said no not until you show me you can stay in bed....the door is closed so it isn't dark and i actually started with the door open and the light on but closed it a few minutes into tonight's process because he wasn't staying in his bed.....how much can one person take of this sh*t......seriously.....he is still asking for the bathroom light on.....and i just spoke sternly to him....i have said over and over again i am not turning the light on until you can show me you will stay in bed...do you hear me??????yes mommy....ohh look he is out of bed again.....crying in the hallway.....how long should i let him stand there crying??????

858...i turned the bathroom light on and opened the door and made him promise to stay in bed...if he gets out it gets turned off again and stays off....he asked for a hug and a kiss from me...and i gave it....he is staying in bed for the moment - crying out to me but staying in his bed.....i just went in and gave him a kiss and said very good job staying in bed...i'm very happy you are....now stay in bed....he is still calling to me, but not coming out.....

900....still crying out but not coming out of bed......

903...i just went in and whispered praise and give him hugs and kisses for staying in his bed...he is calling to me softly but not crying....

904....no crying no coming out...he must be drifting off to sleep - i will check him in a few minutes...

906.....he is asleep.....what the fu*k - so tonight was 36 minutes but a hell of a lot of fighting with hubby, nick and mommy.....but he is asleep 36 minutes after our start time even with all the drama....because this is working? or because he had no nap and is exhausted and just quit on us early tonight???? will this work? will it get better as the nights go by like everyone keeps telling me???? god i hope so..

night #3....

2007-08-04T21:01:00.001-04:00

931....started late tonight because we had a problem with not pooping for over 3 days - had to work that one out on the potty before bed so as to avoid getting out of bed due to sore bum or upset tummy....out of bed at least 20 times

949....back and forth to bed, crying and yelling to me and coming out into the family room to get me...still walking himself back to his room and getting back up into his bed himself though....i'm listening to music on the computer and playing a game of Yahtzee in between trips to his room....out of bed at least another 20 times....

1007...out of bed at least 10 more times.....

1017....back to bed again, remind him daddy can not come check on you if you keep getting out of bed, he won't know where you are if you are not right here where you are supposed to be....

1019...he's staying in bed so daddy went and checked on him

1021...quietly crying off and on but still staying in bed so now mommy went to check on him - reminded him to stay in bed, he is doing a good job.....if you keep staying in bed we will come check on you...

1024....still in his bed and not crying or calling to me......

1026....checked him and he is asleep.....55 minutes tonight....

night #2

2007-08-02T21:47:00.001-04:00

946
okay so we are onto night #2....didn't get started until about 930 because he was at my mom's house until 9pm.....teeth, books and off to bed at about 945....stayed in bed for about 5 min and then started crying for me and came out to get me to put him back in bed....i picked him up and cuddled him for a few seconds and reminded him i am right at the computer and put him back to bed....he has now come out 3 times and it has only been about 4 minutes....i think i will keep count tonight....5 times now.....6..7..8..9..10...i must be up to 15 by now...mike just took a turn putting him back....i reminded him not talking and no looking at him....definitely up to 20 by now....i don't even get to turn my back before he winds up again....i'm seriously laughing right now....cause i know what this is going to entail....man is he good.....

1006
much much more of the same....crying hysterically, out of bed, back to bed.....over and over again.....

1011 oh yeah it's still going on.....

1016
stilllll going on.....so at first tonight i was laughing cause this is ridiculous....now i'm just getting pissed again that he will not just stay in bed......he just calmly and quietly said mommy as i put him back in bed....i said what???? and he said mommy i want you to sleep with me.....SUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!! god am i a sucker or what??? i said no mommy is not sleeping with you and walked out the door

1024
okay now i have to go back to no talking to him.....he came out again for the i don't know how manyth time and i put him back and he kept saying mommy quietly in bed so i said what again.....and he said i need a hug and i gave him one and the he asked for his blanket to cover his feet...i told him if he kept getting out of bed i was not going to talk to him, i was going to go back to putting him back in bed and walking out....he is calling to me still but is staying in the bed...i said how can daddy come check you if you are not staying in your bed??? he asked to watch a movie to fall asleep...what???? when have we ever done that??? what a silly boy.....anyway, he is staying in bed so i just sent mike in to "check" on him so he can see that daddy is still here and will check on him if he stays in bed.....little modification again tonight but so far it seems to be working....Nick does not like to be ignored and it kills him when i don't answer him when he calls to me or talks to me when i put him back in bed and it hurts me too, i hate ignoring my child....he is calling me for a reason, i know that reason tonight is to stall going to bed, but it is still a reason to him....look at me rationalizing the situation :)

1032
mike has been in to say goodnight and nick has still not gotten out of bed since 1024...i just went and kissed him and whispered to him that he was doing a very good job staying in bed, i was proud of him, now he has to just stop crying and go to sleep, i'm right in the other room and i love him....

1033
no more crying....maybe waiting for me to come "check" him again....who knows but he is quiet and in bed.....whoooohooooo for now....we'll see....

1036 end of night #2....he is asleep....and i am off to watch the last 15 min of Big Brother with my hubby on DVR....YEAHHHHHHHH....50 minutes tonight

night #1 - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?????

2007-08-01T21:23:00.000-04:00

858pm
moved into the next phase of breaking nick back into his bedtime routine.....putting him to bed after doing all his bed time tasks - tub, jammies, teeth, books, hugs/kisses and off to bed with no fussing, mommy or daddy walking out and nick goes to sleep....not saying a word and putting him back into bed when and if he gets out.......

seriously is there any job in the whole wide world harder than being a parent?????

934pm
i've been at it for over half an hour and think i have put him back in bed at least 60 times by now but it finally hit me - he has to realize no matter how many times he comes out, i will always be here - he has to realize this eventually and i guess then he will stay in bed...he is walking himself back to his room, climbing back up in the bed and getting to his pillow each time but it is much slower each time as i'm sure he is exhausted by now, i know i am.....eventually he has to stop right???????

please make this stop.....if i were to guess, i'm definitely up to over a hundred put back to beds by now.....and of course my husband who promised he would let me do it my way and give me support is downstairs mumbling and grumbling about all the crying and back and forth and how this isn't working....he has not idea how hearing his comments and nick's crying is killing me......

i don't even get to the other end of the hall to type at the computer before nick is back out of bed crying to me in the hallway....he has to be getting tired right???? i'm trying soooo hard to follow the steps of the process i read about...don't talk to them, don't show attention, don't look him in the eyes - but seriously how much of this can one person takes?????

953pm
well now he is screaming for me from his bed, but not coming out....this is progress right?????he has to be absolutely exhausted.....please please please tell me he is out of bed for the last time tonight!!!!! i am so pissed at my husband, that as soon as nick falls asleep, i'm going right to bed....not even going back downstairs.....i feel so alone in this process....nope not in bed for the night i guess, here he is again.....

959pm
it has now been just over an hour and i just broke the rules.....i gave him a big when i put him back in bed and whispered quietly that i am always right in the other room....that every time he has come out haven't i always been right there and brought him right back to bed? i don't ever go away, i'm always right here...yeah that didn't go over well....now when he comes out he is crying harder and coming all the way to me at the computer.....before he would stand in the hallway and wait for me to come...now he is coming all the way to me....but thank god he is walking himself back to his room each time....i wouldn't be able to lift him all this time with my belly as big as it is and my back as sore as it is....not sure how much more of this i can take!!!!!!!!!!!!

does this really work??????????????????????????
at this point i seriously do not think this is going to work......he has to be sooooo tired....i know i am........OMG....PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! okay i'm now done covering him up...it has been way over an hour now.....and he is still going......what should i do??????????????

okay so i started just pretty much throwing or dropping him lightly into bed for the last few minutes instead of letting him climb into bed and helping him adjust his blankets and such.....i just am at my wit's end......this time he just asked me to turn the light on in the bathroom even though the door was closed....i quietly said, if you stay in bed and go to sleep i will turn it on....if you get out of bed again i will turn it back off....do you hear me???? he said yes and i turned the light on....now he is moaning in his bed but not coming back out....i'm going to go give him a kiss goodnight and remind him i'm still here.....okay probably not the best idea, now he is crying harder for me since i kissed him and told him goodnight, i'm right here......okay so now he is crying but not hard but is still calling to me - BUT staying in his bed....he seriously has to just realize that i am STILL RIGHT HERE.......

1037pm
well he has been in bed now for over 4 minutes without getting out....still calling out to me and crying strongly but is staying in bed.....i have been in twice to praise him for staying in bed and to remind him i am right here, close your eyes and go to sleep.....are we actually near the end???? oh yeah, my husband came up and went right to our bedroom and closed the door, he didn't interfere or interrupt what i am doing and for that i am very thankful....i know how hard it is on him to hear nick cry like this...it breaks my heart and i'm sure it kills him since he can't do anything to help since he promised to let me do this my way.....for that i am very thankful and have to make sure i do thank him.....i just went in again to reassure nick i'm still here and i just asked mike to go in and give him a hug and a kiss but not to talk to him so he realizes daddy is still here to.....this actually might work tonight with a little modification to the process.....okay so daddy gave a kiss and a hug, no crying since before he went in there.....

1048pm - just 10 minutes shy of 2 hours
nick is finally asleep, he must have fallen asleep after daddy checked on him....man, i don't want to do this again tomorrow night.....god give me the strength....please make me strong and remind me i am a good mother even if this was one of the most horrible experiences of my short time being a mother......

i'll post again tomorrow during night #2 stay in bed technique in the keeley house....

More recent pics of nick....

2007-05-25T15:05:00.001-04:00

here are a few more recent pics of nick....
1st one is my busy boy washing his car in april
2nd one is at the beach in march i think
3rd one is his school shot from May 2007 - what a big boy he is....how handsome...

It's a girl.....

2007-05-25T15:00:00.000-04:00

i'm still mulling it over in my mind...i always wanted one of each to make my family complete, but now i have to admit, i'm a little nervous to have a girl since i already have a boy who is so wonderful...i have heard horror stories about how girls behave and are soooo high maintenance and how boys are so much easier.....i guess we will just have to wait and see.....i'm sitting at my desk at work putting off the last few things i want to get done before slipping out early for the holiday weekend and my new little bundle of joy is kicking me quite a bit....must be the sugar from the peaches i just ate....wow is she being active....it's sooo weird to actually feel her now and have seen her on the U/S yesterday....we get to get some more great views of her in 4 weeks since the stinker wouldn't turn over and get out of the ball she was in to get the last few measurements yesterday....and of course she was hiding her face so we couldnt see her profile or features yet either....anyway, off to finish my last few things and get out of here.....

My big U/S - just 2 more days

2007-05-22T14:46:00.000-04:00

okay so just 2 more days until my big U/S....we will get to find out what we are having for baby #2 if all works out okay....gotta remember to drink the OJ before i head over there to make the baby active...i have been feeling lots of movement now - some at night but more during the day too now....nick told me last wed or thursday that there was a baby in my belly...we hadn't told him yet, but it amazes me how much kids pick up from what is going on around them and from what is said by adults.....anyway, he knows and has said that it is a girl...we will have to wait and see on thursday....anyway, i have decided to start posting at least every other day from now on.....there is no reason why i can't take 2 minutes to write my thoughts and add to my blog...i'll stick some new pics of nick up here too.....

new family picture - sept 2006

2006-10-13T00:28:00.000-04:00

here is our family pic from nicholas' 2nd birthday party at gymboree...what a huge difference a year makes...nick is bigger and i am smaller....wooooohoooooo.

Family Picture

2006-07-28T14:54:00.000-04:00

okay well here is a picture of my lovely little family from July 4th....

1st weekend away coming up...

2006-07-28T14:39:00.000-04:00

Okay, well here's the thing....my kid is almost 2 and my husband and i have yet to spend a night alone away from him (mike has been away 2-3 times on sailing races, but i have never left my baby, not even with daddy)

We have planned a weekend away in naples staying at a luxury boutique style hotel on the main drag.....we are going to do dinners, walks to the beach, maybe a carriage ride if they have them, i might get a massage while mike finds something to do.....my point is we will be completely childless.....i'm nervous being without nicholas for 2 whole day and nights but he will be fine at my mom's for the weekend.....

i'm sure it will be weird at first not having him with us, but i think we will get used to the idea and really enjoy our time alone together....i'm looking forward to it.....

i've been told, the more times you do it, the easier it gets.....woooohooooo....better take advantage of the time we have now to get away when we only have the one kid, next year when there are two, i'm not so sure the grandparents will be soooo eager and willing to take them....