new/old way to go to sleep

Okay so we tried the stay in bed technique for 7 days with a bit of success but have still not mastered it….so mike and I decided after I talked to kara last night after a very stressful bedtime that maybe we should move back to something that we have tried in the past with success…..like I said earlier today, my main goal is to get nick to go to sleep without us sleeping/laying down with him in his bed….so for now, we are going back to the sitting in his room not interacting with him and will eventually move our way out the door as the nights go by until we are completely out of the room in the hall for a few nights and then we should be able to just put him to bed and he will trust that we are still there and go to sleep without even thinking about us being in the hall behind the closed door….

Anyway, long story short, I brought nick home from my mom’s house around 915 and we read 2 books, checked out the new beta fish we bought and put in his room and then said our goodnights…I told him I would be sitting in the chair in his room and we gave hugs and kisses and he laid down in his bed…I no more than read like 2-3 pages in my book by the dim light and I heard him breathing heavy….i got up under the pretense to check on the fish and peaked at the little bugger, he was asleep….i swear it was no more than 5 minutes and I think he was asleep before I even got up to check him from the way he was breathing…now it may have been cause it was later and he is tired, but I have to think that it is easier for him to fall asleep when he is not stressed out thinking about us leaving him in his room alone…..so tomorrow night daddy will do the same thing and we will continue on this way until we get the results we are looking for in the end…..just wanted to share and now I am off to watch some tv with my hubby and maybe get to bed before 11….

night #7-you would think this would be short and sweet, right?

847 in bed after bedtime routine....shot right out, pretty much chasing me down the hallway.....mommy mommy mommy come snuggle with me....back and forth to bed four times or so.....now it is daddy's turn...back and forth a few more times....

851 out at least 3 more times....

854 out again - runs back to his room as soon as i can turn around in my chair to go put him back....

855 kiss and hugs with no words after putting him back for the 15th time at least....

857 out again crying in the hall

858 daddy's turn - how nice we are both doing the work tonight....

900 crying in the hall calling to me - back and forth about 5 times....daddy's turn again...

904 out again after daddy tucked him in and everything....

905 daddy is taking another turn.....out and back in bed 3 times before i get down the hall to his room...

908 hugs and kisses and recovering again - "that is enough, you need to go get up on your pillow and go to sleep"

909 daddy's turn - in there a bit long

911 back to bed again...wow doesn't seem to be giving up easy tonight....

912 when i put him back in bed this time and the next few times i closed his door a bit and he repeatedly got out to open it all the way and demand that it stay open

915 went to lay down on my bed to take a break and let mike take over for a bit....he stayed in there too long - i came out to check out the situation and it turns out mike was standing outside nick's door in the hall....i reminded that is not the way we are doing it this time....he needs to go to sleep on his own without us at his door or in his room or sitting in his chair....nick did stay in bed though....

928 nick crying hard from his bed.....i should have gone in sooner to praise him for staying in bed but i waited too long and now he is out again.....repeatedly - hysterically crying uncontrollably, almost gasping for air he is so worked up....

930 crying in the hall....I'm going to let him for a minute or so....he was doing soooo good was in bed for almost 10 minutes crying but in bed.....but then he just got out again....what the hell is going on...he is crying like he is dying...

945 decide it is time to close his door all the way and hold it shut....yeah not my best idea but i want him to know I'm not playing around....we should be getting better each night not slipping backwards...well, that just made him more hysterical and he got all worked up....mike is again thinking this whole thing is never going to work - and expressing his unwanted opinion at the wrong time....saying there is something wrong with nick - he needs to see the Dr cause this is not normal - i remind him the first night took almost 2 hours with continuous crying and in and out of bed.....he has chosen to forget my first night of hell.....well anyway i stopped the closing the door trick cause it was making this situation way more tense....meanwhile mike and i are arguing/disagreeing that this will eventually work tonight...so our arguing loudly is not helping the craziness of the situation....mike can't believe it has been going on for over an hour, i correct him that it has been just under an hour and also remind him the first night was almost 2hrs, second just under an hour, third just under an hour, fourth just over half an hour, fifth was about 45 minutes, and last night was a half an hour....so tonight we had a setback, i could have dealt with it much better and under more controlled circumstances had my partner kept it together and i wasn't already tired from being up with nick all last night, after a "great" bedtime....

1005 i hear nick tooting/gassy as he gets into bed this time....when he gets out again i go outside the gate and sit on the stairs...he goes towards our bedroom door which is open but sits on the floor against the wall and looks like he is trying to poop....so i put him on his potty as he has not gone today or yesterday i don't think.....nothing happens but he has a chance to calm down while sitting there which is good for all involved....new diaper, hug and back to bed....seems as though he may be staying in this time...crying softly so i call to daddy for one last kiss/hug and he goes begrudgingly....

1018 daddy gives final kiss and hug - nick is winding down now....
1020 mommy went in for final kiss and hug and he is asleep by 1024....1 hour and 37 min give or take...still better than the first night but definitely a step back...i will be calling the pediatrician tomorrow just to check in....this is now been a week and we are better but not there yet and i want to make sure there is not anything we are missing....

night #6 - the end is definitely near

918 after bath, jammies, teeth, playing with new toys, daddy reading nick books - it is time for hugs/kisses and goodnights....mommy lays down with nick for a few minutes to chit chat about tomorrow and then leaves so nick can go to sleep on his own....asks me to turn the bathroom light on - i oblige....
five times out of bed - the fourth time i turn the bathroom light back off and remind him it will not come on unless he stays in bed....
five more times out of bed - 9th time i turn the light back on - 10th time more hugs & kisses from mommy and a final reminder to stay in bed...
out of bed one more time - daddy's turn to put him back....

927 crying from his bed, but not coming out
928 mike back in to see what he wants as he is calling to us about something - wants the fan on...
929 calling for mommy and daddy but staying in bed
931 still calling for mommy - mommy praises and gives a kiss for staying in bed
933 quietly calling for mommy from BED
935 calling for daddy now but from BED - daddy checks him one last time we hope
938 he is quiet, might he have fallen asleep????
939 a very weak mommy call but still from bed
945 mommy goes to check him and he rolls over and opens his eyes but closes them as soon as he sees me...kiss on forehead and i think we are done for the night - thank you very much....under 30 minutes tonight.....and only 9 minutes of out and back to bed.....we are definitely winning this battle and it is very nice that my husband has come on board to support my "MISSION"

night #5

okay so tonight we started just after 9 after jammies, books, snuggles, chit chat, kisses and hugs.....from 905 till about 918 nick might have been out of bed about 7 times....we had a "discussion" about the bathroom light being on if he stayed in bed.....i turned it off when he got out of bed again...did not make him happy......mike went in to "check" him and turned the bathroom light on again and reminded him to stay in bed....he stayed in bed....mike and i were switching off on going in to praise the staying in bed

924 been in bed for almost 10 minutes, still crying out for mommy and/or daddy but not getting out of bed, will sit up to wait for us to come "check" him but not getting out.....mommy went to check him and gave kisses and said good job, stay in bed and daddy will come to check you before you fall asleep....

934 daddy checked him one last time after his shower and he was still in bed quietly calling to me when he left but saying in bed....

941 still calling out quietly but getting soooo much weaker - sitting up in the bed waiting to be checked....

950 been quiet for a few minutes - let's go check him for the last time tonight???? yeah he is asleep....he only got out of bed a handful of times and stayed in his bed the last 35 minutes or so he was in his bed, just calling out to us - BUT STAYED IN BED......mike was a big help tonight and i really think he actually got the idea that NICK is a huge manipulator because the second he would walk in the room to check him nick would have a big smile on his face replacing the plea for mommy or daddy to come to his room.....he thought it was quite comical actually but little does he know i have been laying the groundwork for this for 4 nights already....so tomorrow or Tuesday should be the last few nights we have to put him back to bed, i think we may have to do the checking in thing when he stays in bed, but i think that will diminish quickly as well....

night #4

830....nick was at grammie's today for 6 hours and didn't get a nap, so we decided bedtime would be a bit earlier tonight....bath, jammies, forgot the teeth, instead of books we watched one 1/2hr show in the family room....hugs and kisses and then off to bed...did not start well, he wanted books, couldn't remember that we did movie instead of books - oh this is totally my fault, i did not follow my routine and now we are going to pay......i tried to start this night on my own and i just can do it...my BP has been up and down since yesterday and luckily my ankle swelling from yesterday and into last night has gone down, but i am starting to worry about my BP going up and down so i quit tonight....i just walked off to my room and closed the door the first time he got out of bed.....i cant do this alone and i gave up.....but of course while i'm laying in bed taking my blood pressure i hear mike take over, get nick, put him back to bed and get angry and start yelling about what is the matter? why wont you stay in bed? i cant take this anymore.....this is not the way to do this.....i end up getting up and taking back over cause it will mess up the process if we do it differently than the last 3 nights.....

845....nick has been out of bed twice since i sent mike away and sat on nick's bedroom floor to calm him down with hugs and kisses and snuggles.....now i am letting him stand in the hall crying for a few seconds before i send him back to bed each time.....maybe he will get tired more quickly....of course that isn't working anyway, just like this whole fu*king technique is not working.....i can not keep doing this.....

852...nick is asking me to turn the bathroom light on and i have said no not until you show me you can stay in bed....the door is closed so it isn't dark and i actually started with the door open and the light on but closed it a few minutes into tonight's process because he wasn't staying in his bed.....how much can one person take of this sh*t......seriously.....he is still asking for the bathroom light on.....and i just spoke sternly to him....i have said over and over again i am not turning the light on until you can show me you will stay in bed...do you hear me??????yes mommy....ohh look he is out of bed again.....crying in the hallway.....how long should i let him stand there crying??????

858...i turned the bathroom light on and opened the door and made him promise to stay in bed...if he gets out it gets turned off again and stays off....he asked for a hug and a kiss from me...and i gave it....he is staying in bed for the moment - crying out to me but staying in his bed.....i just went in and gave him a kiss and said very good job staying in bed...i'm very happy you are....now stay in bed....he is still calling to me, but not coming out.....

900....still crying out but not coming out of bed......

903...i just went in and whispered praise and give him hugs and kisses for staying in his bed...he is calling to me softly but not crying....

904....no crying no coming out...he must be drifting off to sleep - i will check him in a few minutes...

906.....he is asleep.....what the fu*k - so tonight was 36 minutes but a hell of a lot of fighting with hubby, nick and mommy.....but he is asleep 36 minutes after our start time even with all the drama....because this is working? or because he had no nap and is exhausted and just quit on us early tonight???? will this work? will it get better as the nights go by like everyone keeps telling me???? god i hope so..

night #3....

931....started late tonight because we had a problem with not pooping for over 3 days - had to work that one out on the potty before bed so as to avoid getting out of bed due to sore bum or upset tummy....out of bed at least 20 times

949....back and forth to bed, crying and yelling to me and coming out into the family room to get me...still walking himself back to his room and getting back up into his bed himself though....i'm listening to music on the computer and playing a game of Yahtzee in between trips to his room....out of bed at least another 20 times....

1007...out of bed at least 10 more times.....

1017....back to bed again, remind him daddy can not come check on you if you keep getting out of bed, he won't know where you are if you are not right here where you are supposed to be....

1019...he's staying in bed so daddy went and checked on him

1021...quietly crying off and on but still staying in bed so now mommy went to check on him - reminded him to stay in bed, he is doing a good job.....if you keep staying in bed we will come check on you...

1024....still in his bed and not crying or calling to me......

1026....checked him and he is asleep.....55 minutes tonight....

night #2

946
okay so we are onto night #2....didn't get started until about 930 because he was at my mom's house until 9pm.....teeth, books and off to bed at about 945....stayed in bed for about 5 min and then started crying for me and came out to get me to put him back in bed....i picked him up and cuddled him for a few seconds and reminded him i am right at the computer and put him back to bed....he has now come out 3 times and it has only been about 4 minutes....i think i will keep count tonight....5 times now.....6..7..8..9..10...i must be up to 15 by now...mike just took a turn putting him back....i reminded him not talking and no looking at him....definitely up to 20 by now....i don't even get to turn my back before he winds up again....i'm seriously laughing right now....cause i know what this is going to entail....man is he good.....

1006
much much more of the same....crying hysterically, out of bed, back to bed.....over and over again.....

1011 oh yeah it's still going on.....

1016
stilllll going on.....so at first tonight i was laughing cause this is ridiculous....now i'm just getting pissed again that he will not just stay in bed......he just calmly and quietly said mommy as i put him back in bed....i said what???? and he said mommy i want you to sleep with me.....SUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!! god am i a sucker or what??? i said no mommy is not sleeping with you and walked out the door

1024
okay now i have to go back to no talking to him.....he came out again for the i don't know how manyth time and i put him back and he kept saying mommy quietly in bed so i said what again.....and he said i need a hug and i gave him one and the he asked for his blanket to cover his feet...i told him if he kept getting out of bed i was not going to talk to him, i was going to go back to putting him back in bed and walking out....he is calling to me still but is staying in the bed...i said how can daddy come check you if you are not staying in your bed??? he asked to watch a movie to fall asleep...what???? when have we ever done that??? what a silly boy.....anyway, he is staying in bed so i just sent mike in to "check" on him so he can see that daddy is still here and will check on him if he stays in bed.....little modification again tonight but so far it seems to be working....Nick does not like to be ignored and it kills him when i don't answer him when he calls to me or talks to me when i put him back in bed and it hurts me too, i hate ignoring my child....he is calling me for a reason, i know that reason tonight is to stall going to bed, but it is still a reason to him....look at me rationalizing the situation :)

1032
mike has been in to say goodnight and nick has still not gotten out of bed since 1024...i just went and kissed him and whispered to him that he was doing a very good job staying in bed, i was proud of him, now he has to just stop crying and go to sleep, i'm right in the other room and i love him....

1033
no more crying....maybe waiting for me to come "check" him again....who knows but he is quiet and in bed.....whoooohooooo for now....we'll see....

1036 end of night #2....he is asleep....and i am off to watch the last 15 min of Big Brother with my hubby on DVR....YEAHHHHHHHH....50 minutes tonight

night #1 - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?????

858pm
moved into the next phase of breaking nick back into his bedtime routine.....putting him to bed after doing all his bed time tasks - tub, jammies, teeth, books, hugs/kisses and off to bed with no fussing, mommy or daddy walking out and nick goes to sleep....not saying a word and putting him back into bed when and if he gets out.......

seriously is there any job in the whole wide world harder than being a parent?????

934pm
i've been at it for over half an hour and think i have put him back in bed at least 60 times by now but it finally hit me - he has to realize no matter how many times he comes out, i will always be here - he has to realize this eventually and i guess then he will stay in bed...he is walking himself back to his room, climbing back up in the bed and getting to his pillow each time but it is much slower each time as i'm sure he is exhausted by now, i know i am.....eventually he has to stop right???????

please make this stop.....if i were to guess, i'm definitely up to over a hundred put back to beds by now.....and of course my husband who promised he would let me do it my way and give me support is downstairs mumbling and grumbling about all the crying and back and forth and how this isn't working....he has not idea how hearing his comments and nick's crying is killing me......

i don't even get to the other end of the hall to type at the computer before nick is back out of bed crying to me in the hallway....he has to be getting tired right???? i'm trying soooo hard to follow the steps of the process i read about...don't talk to them, don't show attention, don't look him in the eyes - but seriously how much of this can one person takes?????

953pm
well now he is screaming for me from his bed, but not coming out....this is progress right?????he has to be absolutely exhausted.....please please please tell me he is out of bed for the last time tonight!!!!! i am so pissed at my husband, that as soon as nick falls asleep, i'm going right to bed....not even going back downstairs.....i feel so alone in this process....nope not in bed for the night i guess, here he is again.....

959pm
it has now been just over an hour and i just broke the rules.....i gave him a big when i put him back in bed and whispered quietly that i am always right in the other room....that every time he has come out haven't i always been right there and brought him right back to bed? i don't ever go away, i'm always right here...yeah that didn't go over well....now when he comes out he is crying harder and coming all the way to me at the computer.....before he would stand in the hallway and wait for me to come...now he is coming all the way to me....but thank god he is walking himself back to his room each time....i wouldn't be able to lift him all this time with my belly as big as it is and my back as sore as it is....not sure how much more of this i can take!!!!!!!!!!!!

does this really work??????????????????????????
at this point i seriously do not think this is going to work......he has to be sooooo tired....i know i am........OMG....PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! okay i'm now done covering him up...it has been way over an hour now.....and he is still going......what should i do??????????????

okay so i started just pretty much throwing or dropping him lightly into bed for the last few minutes instead of letting him climb into bed and helping him adjust his blankets and such.....i just am at my wit's end......this time he just asked me to turn the light on in the bathroom even though the door was closed....i quietly said, if you stay in bed and go to sleep i will turn it on....if you get out of bed again i will turn it back off....do you hear me???? he said yes and i turned the light on....now he is moaning in his bed but not coming back out....i'm going to go give him a kiss goodnight and remind him i'm still here.....okay probably not the best idea, now he is crying harder for me since i kissed him and told him goodnight, i'm right here......okay so now he is crying but not hard but is still calling to me - BUT staying in his bed....he seriously has to just realize that i am STILL RIGHT HERE.......

1037pm
well he has been in bed now for over 4 minutes without getting out....still calling out to me and crying strongly but is staying in bed.....i have been in twice to praise him for staying in bed and to remind him i am right here, close your eyes and go to sleep.....are we actually near the end???? oh yeah, my husband came up and went right to our bedroom and closed the door, he didn't interfere or interrupt what i am doing and for that i am very thankful....i know how hard it is on him to hear nick cry like this...it breaks my heart and i'm sure it kills him since he can't do anything to help since he promised to let me do this my way.....for that i am very thankful and have to make sure i do thank him.....i just went in again to reassure nick i'm still here and i just asked mike to go in and give him a hug and a kiss but not to talk to him so he realizes daddy is still here to.....this actually might work tonight with a little modification to the process.....okay so daddy gave a kiss and a hug, no crying since before he went in there.....

1048pm - just 10 minutes shy of 2 hours
nick is finally asleep, he must have fallen asleep after daddy checked on him....man, i don't want to do this again tomorrow night.....god give me the strength....please make me strong and remind me i am a good mother even if this was one of the most horrible experiences of my short time being a mother......

i'll post again tomorrow during night #2 stay in bed technique in the keeley house....